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20 most recent comments by terbenaw and replies
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Re: a comment on Pain by terbenaw 9-Mar-06/3:12 AM
Good point... I'll try to apply that thought throughout the entire poem. Thanks.
Re: a comment on AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 9-Mar-06/3:10 AM
It doesn't... I decided to start posting with some earlier work, figuring that with proper critiquing I can create something beyond the teenage "I'm mad at the world and wanna wallow in misery" bit...
Re: a comment on My cousin by Bobjim 9-Mar-06/3:03 AM
I'll repeat what I posted on another poem of yours... Seek professional help... your brain does not function properly... if at all.
Re: a comment on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim 9-Mar-06/3:01 AM
You need to seek professional help...
Re: a comment on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim 9-Mar-06/3:01 AM
I think you are... veggie burger anyone?
Re: a comment on ~PROM MEANS 2 ME~ by T. Jonathron Remp 9-Mar-06/2:59 AM
No offense man, but... all the Latin aside, this is not a sestina by POETIC STANDARDS. I care not of the root origins of the word, nor of what led you to believe that this is actually a sestina. The fact of the matter is: This is an Acroustic, not a Sestina. I did not base my definition off of kaolin fire's description of a sestina. Look it up ANYWHERE outside of your mind, and you will find that I am correct. If you find a site that disagrees, post it for us all to see. I'm sure we all would like to know what a sestina really is...
Re: What Hobbit songs are really like... by Bobjim 1-Mar-06/11:17 PM
Re: Reach for the Nightmare by longships 1-Mar-06/7:04 PM
Question: Is this about Iraq?
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd 1-Mar-06/12:20 AM
You rated me a 4? If this... 'poem' is any indication, your skills are weak... you wouldn't even log on and comment on it... if it's so horrible, why not tell me what you found so screwed up... offer some constructive criticism or something... don't just go on some anonymous BS...

Now... this poem has no purpose... it sounds like a poem parody or something... it's garbage... There's no deep meaning or even a surface meaning... Scrap this and come with something your abilities can create if you spent more time on it... I'll give you a two just for posting this junk.
Re: Highgate Cemetery by longships 27-Feb-06/3:28 PM
I'm really feeling this...
Re: ~PROM MEANS 2 ME~ by T. Jonathron Remp 27-Feb-06/12:07 AM
Hmm... someone sounds pretty bitter. I'm not feeling what you're saying, but you do get your point across OK. This sounds like something that can be used in some sort of song. Also, this is not a sestina.
Re: Hailing Miriam by Ranger 25-Feb-06/1:53 PM
I happen to enjoy this poem as is. Great flowing rhythm, excellent imagery. I do, however, agree with the others who have stated that replacing Lorelei with someone readers can relate to either Mary or the location of the poem. Excellent work though.
Re: You by terbenaw 25-Feb-06/1:29 PM
Any opinions on the change from

Its phosphorescent brightness
Illuminating my being


Its incandescent illumination
Invigorating my being?
Re: a comment on You by terbenaw 25-Feb-06/1:24 PM
Thanks for the heads up... I wonder if 'incandescent' would make a better choice there than phosphorescent...
Re: a comment on Rambling by terbenaw 25-Feb-06/1:14 PM
Just gonna re-work the whole thing and repost it in a while. For now, I'll just leave as is.
Re: a comment on Rambling by terbenaw 25-Feb-06/1:12 PM
That's true... thanks for that.
Re: Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim 25-Feb-06/1:24 AM
Are you trying to make the worst poem I've read? If so, you've succeeded. Besides the fact that the poem is sickening in its message, its design is shaky and crappy... I think I'm gonna go puke now.
Re: My cousin by Bobjim 25-Feb-06/1:20 AM
This is friggin sick!!!
Re: Pillosophy by Bobjim 25-Feb-06/1:20 AM
A bit obscure don't you think? It might help if you elaborate a bit on what you mean. Also... can't a person support oneself with both pills and philosophy?
Re: a comment on Rambling by terbenaw 25-Feb-06/1:13 AM
Not sure what that mean exactly, but I think I'll leave the end rhymes as is...

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