Re: Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears	13-Dec-05/1:44 PM
You could shorten this down, make it a little more cohesive and tight and have thre different poems.
Re: Observer by Dovina	13-Dec-05/1:17 PM
I think putting it in the past tense would definitely add to it. Also, I'm not really digging the last stanza (mainly the last line). First two stanzas are a 9 but the last drops it tro a 7.
Re: no title by candaliesa	13-Dec-05/1:12 PM
Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. This is a good starting point, now work on it and get better.
Re: a comment on Emma Barksdale by rahson_s	8-Dec-05/1:35 PM
Well that's actually pretty damn cool. Regarding the "definitely", I was thinking that "She, having difficulties living such a precious life." might be good..I don't know...whatever
Re: a comment on Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	8-Dec-05/1:28 PM
Just because I don't get it is not necessarily a bad thing. I give more weight to a poem if I don't get it right away (Unless I don't get it because it just seriously doesn't make any sense). It shows me that the writer put some time and thought into it. These poems that people post on here that give every detail in mundane sentences get extremely old after a while (hence my commenting style). For example, id much rather read this eben though I'm not getting all of it (I get SOME of it) than some poem that goes: I got into my car and took a left at the bar and went downtown and bought a new gown. Then I went home and fell on the couch and went on Poemranker and rhymed love with above. That's just boring and was written in 2 seconds and is on par with many, many of the posts on here.
Re: Emma Barksdale by rahson_s	8-Dec-05/1:20 PM
I'm curious if you are the one who wrote this or if it is from Utopia Wright's journals. Also, I'm curious as to your connection to him. The poem is good but the "definitely" in the next to last line bothers me..I'm not really sure why. Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.
Re: Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	8-Dec-05/1:10 PM
Ok, I can dig this..It's pretty and has a lot of good imagery. I honestly don't know what the hell your talking about, but sometimes it doesn't matter.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	8-Dec-05/12:40 PM
Basic language afterthought: If I leave something like that, it means either: a. I think that you're better than I am at writing and that I couldn't improve your poem. b. I think your hopeless and boring and nothing I could say would help you improve.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	8-Dec-05/12:37 PM
Ok, then, let me explain it to you: I left that comment because anything I would've said had already been said. I didn't see a point in repeating what someone else had already said. I went into more detail about what I think on one of your recent posts (Dark's Nest or The Dark, one..). Your response was to tell me that I didn't understand it and that I need to dig deeper. That's the typical Poemranker response. The fact is that the poem didn't make me WANT to dig any deeper. As far as what you want out of a comment: 1. I've explained that I don't feel the need to repeat someone else's suggestion. If I feel that it needs something that someone hasn't said, I'll say it. If not, I simply leave a short comment to at least let them know that I read it. 2. If a poem provokes me to think of something interesting to write, I do. 3. Funny? I'm not a fucking comedian. 4. If you want me to be inspired and excited, write something to inspire and excite me. I've been on here for two years and I've learned who is going to use criticism and who's going to ignore it. Let's face it...you don't want me to critique your poem, you want me to tell you how great it is. Sorry.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	8-Dec-05/6:21 AM
What gives? I didn't leave a comment like that on your last post.."The Dark". I don't know what I put on "Dark's Nest" because you deleted all the comments on that one. I'm just curious as to what kind of comments you would like me to leave?
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	8-Dec-05/6:17 AM
First, lots of things outshine this. If I leave a short comment like that, it's usually for one of three reasons: 1) Someone has already made the suggestions that I would make and there's no sense in wasting time writing them again. This is usually the case. 2) I have made more extensive comments on that persons poems before and either they have informed me that they're no interested in my opinion or they have completely ignored me. 3) Because i think it's pretty good and if it can be improved, I'm not a good enough poet to tell them how to do it. As far as the "modern language", what other language anm I supposed to use? Would Olde English make it more original? In the future, being direct works better with me. If you think that my commenting sucks, then say that. Please don't be a smart ass. What? I've been a smart ass before? That's true, but only when I've told that person the same thing 100 times before....and when I'm in a pissy mood.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	7-Dec-05/9:08 PM
I really just put that comment on here to remind me so that I don't forget.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	7-Dec-05/9:06 PM
Glad you like it.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	7-Dec-05/9:06 PM
The answers are there for you to determine yourself. I'm getting so tired of reading poems that give me all the answers.
Re: a comment on Better Off Dead by wilco	7-Dec-05/9:05 PM
actually, yeah..
Re: Hope by sliver	7-Dec-05/9:03 PM
Definitely not your best, but I'm glad you're back.
Re: Count All the Stars by TLRufener	7-Dec-05/9:01 PM
It's not good, it's not bad...it's just mediocre.
Re: Jesus, you I see by amanda_dcosta	7-Dec-05/8:45 PM
I'm not real big on praise poems...I get why people do it..it's just not my cup of tea. Still, it's written pretty well. On a related note, I really think people should log in before they give you a zero...just common fucking courtesy if you ask me.
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	7-Dec-05/8:41 PM
It doesn't flow as well as It could (or maybe i'm just not reading it right). Maybe I just need to be Irish...or drunk...or both..
Re: a comment on Irish Holliday by Dovina	7-Dec-05/8:40 PM
ewww..