Re: Choking by SoulSlippedAway	23-Aug-02/9:47 PM
"I don't expect you people to like this,because infact you all are mean!" This is the best line in the poem (minus the typos). Nevertheless, I am going to try to give a "constructive assessment." 1) Creeping silence sounds like something off one of those crazy bands those kids listen today. Plus, silence speaks for itself; it doesn't need to have an adjective necessarily. 2) Do you really understand what the depths of "madness" are? You sound rather young; are you sure it is just not a long bout of teen angst. You know that is what the world needs now. Madness (i.e. depression, bi-polar and the like) is an extremely complex condition both biologically and psychologically and requires much more imagery than throwing a glass to the floor in some sort of angry fit. 3) The choking imagery doesn't seem to have much weight. Can you really choke on life or a pathetic defense and what is the pathetic defense in the poem. Okay, I cannot go on anymore. I tried and you can take this advice if you what to. Or you can just delete the fucking poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Aug-02/10:04 PM
First off, the moon is not empty. It has a golf ball and a flag among other things on it. And, moon dust. Holy cow, you are trying to take huge themes and put them into a tiny little poem. And I understand what you are doing with the title, or at least what I would have used it for had I been a poor enough writer to write this. Thank God, I am not. Anyway, off the subject. A good law of poetry (I know, I know, there are no laws, poetry can be anything my tender heart wants it to be) is to write what you know, know what you write. It is good to try to make a statement but try to find something subtler and evoke it. It will have much more power in the long run. The mankind slipping on ice is just terrible. Ugh!
Re: Z. by ErgoErgun	23-Aug-02/10:06 PM
Hey, if this is a love poem to Z, she is in the comment box with Doylum right now going at it!!!!!! Sorry, you cannot be enough for her. Maybe you should take her out for prune ice cream.
Re: A Choir Boy's Spoiliation.. by Bachus	23-Aug-02/10:13 PM
Ha! You got fucking babbit to come out his forest. You do have a true ruffian spirit. But really Hours, he's one of the good guys, utterly modest, easily humbled. A true proletariat than anyone would be proud to drink with. Oh and this rasict fucking poem sucks!!! Ha, kidding.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Aug-02/10:21 PM
Do i see the ghost of Humbert Humbert in these lines? Is this reverse psychology or just proof that any common collection of sentences can be a poem or haiku?
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Aug-02/10:25 PM
Thos ode to goD is riddled with typos. So much so that I stopped reading it. Fix those and maybe I will try again.
Re: Z. by ErgoErgun	23-Aug-02/10:28 PM
So what is your excuse for being at home ripping poetry and shagging doylum in the comment box at 2am your time on a Friday no less. I suppose the weekend lost its meaning when I learned to drink on weekdays. Oh well.
Re: Z. by ErgoErgun	23-Aug-02/10:51 PM
Ah! Writing is always a good excuse. Mine is a one-year-old with an ear infection. On my chest right now trying to find sleep. Explains my poor typing tonight.
Re: when you want your haiku to be cool but otherwise got it trashed because you are f*#ing limited by 5-7-5...and you think you can get away with it but end up getting criticized in the web by unknown	25-Aug-02/7:20 PM
Sound like a more of a chip on the should rather than a haiku.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Aug-02/7:23 PM
This is a classic example of a rubbish poem.
Re: All Year Long by Sigh'ense...	25-Aug-02/7:50 PM
This is the biggest loaf of Wisconsin cheese turd I have ever read in my life. I mean it is good to get in touch with the Robert Bly side of yourself, but this is flat out ridiculous. I mean come on, take a look at some of these lines. How could you actually write these without breaking down in shear laughter? "You are my treat on Halloween, and everyday in between," "With fireworks, pledging to you my romantic sovereignty," "Draped and covered in your "sensuality sweater"." Ugh. It was a painful read.
Re: Our lord and saviour, the land of 60 million micks, as wonderful and noble as the pink empire. by ==Doylum	25-Aug-02/7:53 PM
Ask Z and she will tell you that this is clearly not a limerick. It is aabba or Abba misspelled. Hand over heart now! Proud to be an American, cuz at least I know I'm free.
Re: Angelic Triumvirate by Sterling5583	25-Aug-02/8:07 PM
An interesting idea that gets lost in a ton of tedious language. Maybe with some work it would flow better.
Re: Roadmeat by ifni	25-Aug-02/8:12 PM
The repetition bogs down the poem. We get the point. And areas of youthful language also hold the poem back (i.e. terror tastes bitter, my yesterdays...). And really, how often do you see dead kittens in the road. Maybe squirrels, or opossum, or armadillos, even alligators and once in awhile a cat, marmot or dog, but kittens?
Re: Aids in a van - are you local? by ==Doylum	25-Aug-02/8:14 PM
Ha! you just might overtake worst poem. I'll help. Damn chubby! --->
Re: endless eternity: by Sapphire	25-Aug-02/8:50 PM
And here I thought this was going to be a descent poem. The title sucks, but the poem opens in okay fashion and then---boom, out of nowhere comes the worst line ever written: "time suckles of mother natures teat." I laughed all the way to the pisser, pissed all over myself from laughing so hard.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Aug-02/9:35 PM
Ugh!!!!!!
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Aug-02/9:48 PM
I am sure there is a local suicide hotline in Canada, eh. Maybe you should stop writing and give it a call. In addition, I suggest talking to mom and pops to get you in to see someone very soon. The poem sucks, but if it is cry for help, we here at poemranker are of the compassionate sort and care about the well being of the poems in our close-knit group. Please, call the hotline.
Re: To Be Rich by Bakar	25-Aug-02/9:54 PM
Sounds more like lyrics, but if it is judged as a poem, I cannot understand why you stopped the rhyme scheme at the end. Did I miss something? The last line is weak.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Aug-02/10:12 PM
Hey, Goddamn wife. Ms Gloria. She needs to talk with someone. I was offering sincere advice, so fuck you and go read a psyche book. what you think this is some game, some fictionalized account. where have you been?