Re: a comment on quick by <~>	15-Jun-05/3:20 AM
You were given an easy list. When I tried, one of my words was "stereo" and the other "abbreviate".
Re: Unclean by Dovina	15-Jun-05/2:30 AM
Is this poem about Muslims in the 9th century? First off, in response to your "cast out of society" comment from my post, you should know that Jordan (along with Lebanon, Syria, Iraq and many neighborhoods in Egypt and UAE) is middling liberal for Islamic countries. Here, a raped-but-married woman would either, one, say nothing and neither would her husband or, two, be encouraged by her family to return to her parents' house, not go outside very much, be unemployed, and not have many friends besides her family and close neighbors. In other words, she'd be exactly as she was before she got married and mostly as she was WHILE she was married, except she naturally wouldn't be hoping to get married again. (This, incidentally, is the situation of about a dozen women I know whose marriages have broken up for some reason or other.) You must understand: In almost no part of the Middle East do women BELONG to any society they can be cast out of. If your raped woman came from my part of the world, she would be divorced but IN EVERY RESPECT indistinguishable from any other woman in the country. In other words, she'd be practically invisible. The more real danger (and this is what separates us from Saudi Arabia and non-liberal Muslim countries - that is, it's bad enough here and gets worse there,) is that she'll be killed or beaten into some crippled state by her husband or brothers. You can call this "cast out of society" if you want, but it's really more accurately "cast out of earthly existence altogether." That said, about the poem. Yes, Mohammed did in fact teach respect for women. All Muslims know this. In fact, most Muslims know that after Mohammed's famous statement that men can marry "one, two, three, or even four women" he immediately added, "but you have to love them exactly the same amount." Most Muslims also know that, this being impossible, it's essentially the same thing as saying you can't marry more than one. And most don't care. Muslims here (and at least in the parts of the Arabic world I see on tv) are about as Muslim as most Americans are Christian. Pointing out that Muslims aren't exactly adhering to the letter of their faith is pretty much a losing battle, and about as useful as pointing out that Christians aren't either. That is to say, not useful at all. Stanza 2: "disgrace" made me laugh. Stanza 4: Robbers! Tee-hee. For one, there are much fewer violent robbers in the Middle East than rapists. As a cover-up, this would be totally unbelievable. For another thing, and more importantly, a woman violently robbed will be as much disgraced as a woman raped; it's just as Haram, and it will simply be assumed that she was raped, too. As far as my experience goes, she'd be just as well off as if she'd admitted the rape. If you're going to say your Muslim friend tried this dodge - well, good luck to her. I don't see how it worked. Also, "cast her out for Allah's good": No non-insane person in the Arabic world would say or think something like this. Everybody here knows Allah is already all-good. It's an enormous sin to think he could be improved or kept from taint, i.e., that something could be done for his good. In reality, she's cast out for the men of the community's good. All repression of women under Islam, from the Qura'an down, is justified as a way of protecting MEN who, exposed to women's charms, even a wisp of her hair, would not be able to keep themselves from sinning. It's flattering, see? The women's good is secondary. Obviously, a woman who's already been raped would pose double the temptation to men; that's why they need to be protected from her. Don't ask me to explain why. I can't. Good poetry, though.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	12-Jun-05/1:45 AM
Oh, okay.
Re: a comment on Muggy by fevriere	11-Jun-05/12:51 AM
Don't listen to any of them. But do drop "I" from line 2.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	11-Jun-05/12:44 AM
Yes, I know. "Sleep" is always used like that. It's in so many poems you start wishing for dead people doing something else. Or for people actually sleeping instead of only figuratively sleeping and really being dead. I don't think that's what "heaps" means. At least, that's not how it looks in the poem. Especially since we've all already heard about the Rwandan dead ending up in REAL heaps (that is, in piles) though they didn't die there. One way or another, the stanza is a little confusing or misleading. "The word dead is in front of heaps which in english usually means they're dead first." No it doesn't. Besides, you say they're "in heaps ... [lying] where they die." My logic is 1) They're in heaps now. 2) They're where they died. 3) Ergo, they were in heaps when (ie, just before) they died. And I don't see what you're getting at. At least, I don't see how this applies to any of the concerns I raised before. Yes, I know the bodies were left to rot. But the point is, it's not too many for the census takers, figurative or otherwise. The truth is that REAL census takers REALLY DID take a census and find out how many died, so if you just want a way to say they're left to rot and there are too many of them, you might consider saying one that's true, like, oh, they're left to rot and there are too many of them. (Also, the census takers naturally counted the dead by counting the number left and comparing that figure with an earlier census, so it would logically be easier, if not more humane, if more people have died - not harder, like you're suggesting.) I don't understand why a fire brigade is present. If I'm missing something (out of my American ignorance) please let me know. The bigger point is - and this is true for most poemranker users, not just you - when writing a poem you HAVE TO MAKE SURE SOMETHING IS LITERALLY TRUE before you can make it figuratively true. You can disagree, if you like, and I'd like the chance to explain why it's a must. But I do wish you'd just take my word for it.
Re: a comment on matrimonal enemy by hendrimike	11-Jun-05/12:25 AM
Oh. I mean, I just thought it was one of those things that people say in songs because people say them in songs, like calling a guitar a "six string" or standing in the rain with a knife in your heart and the wounds never heal and so on. That is, you could just say it's a quarter instead of a nickel. A dollar, even. Unless you want people to think you live in the 30s.
Re: a comment on lawngazing by skaskowski	11-Jun-05/12:22 AM
No I mean: physically, how were the bottles broken by the blanket? I'd be saying the same thing if the blanket were full of bludgeoned kittens.
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	11-Jun-05/12:20 AM
Isn't that a little like saying, If you were a rapist you would have raped other women besides this one. You're probably just some misunderstood guy who was walking along minding his own business and happened to run smack into a woman's vagina.
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	11-Jun-05/12:18 AM
I say, u saying that this is "plagiarism" but instead from text, its my father? How is this plagiarism? Besides this is even none of your business! I mean I, zodiac, say that. I originated it. How do you feel about them apples?
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	11-Jun-05/12:16 AM
It is so close to impossible that you and evil_boi could be logging on with the same IP ten minutes apart without knowing each other that it might as well be plain impossible. I'm not "so concerned" about this. But I think if you're reduced to posting gushing comments on your own poems - to make up for a lack of interest in them, or real gushing comments on them, most likely - then you might as well leave. You'd only be fooling yourself, and not very well at that. And who likes to watch people trying to fool themselves? It's rather like watching some guy at a cocktail party try to get his pants up from around his ankles by furiously jumping up and down.
Re: a comment on Dovecote by zodiac	11-Jun-05/12:10 AM
I don't know what "outcast from society" would mean here, but the rest of it is true, give or take. The harder part to get is that most women here GENUINELY BELIEVE in the system and uphold it to the death.
Re: Too Tired for a Title by woodstock20000	10-Jun-05/11:54 PM
I wouldn't have believed it, but reading a poem about being too tired to write well is about as exciting as watching a person too tired to move piss his pants on my couch.
Re: Why? by windyone	10-Jun-05/11:52 PM
1) Don't assume we criticize because we can't cope. The truth is we all cope better than you, and the middle-school English teacher who told you people criticize because they can't cope couldn't cope. 2) re: "Do you feel better when you take away hope? " Do you feel better being hopeless? A: Only if you can somehow stop every single person on the planet from pointing out how hopeless you are. Which I imagine involves stopping time itself. 3) Writing for onesself is fantastic. I, for one, would never criticize someone for writing all kinds of smarm for their own private purposes. You, however, are doing something extra. Can you tell what? (Hint: it involves the internet and a site called poemRANKER.) 4) Because you obviously want real criticism, here: Don't rhyme knife and life ever ever again. 5) Punctuate consistently. If you can't figure out how, write your whole poem out like it's prose, like a story, and see where you've forgotten periods, commas, and other such. (Hint: Check the ends of lines!) 6) Of course we know what you're going through. We were there. About 100 years ago. People gave us all hell then, too, just like we're doing for you. Those of us who didn't cut it are over at autobodymechanicranker.com. Check them out. 7) re: "the way that they write is not up to you." Oh. I thought you were posting here to get our opinions. Oh, I see: not that kind of opinion. Is this one better. This is the best poem I've ever read and you're obviously a beautiful, gentle soul I had exactly the same experience once. 8) You're thinking of going to my poem list and zeroing the first title you see there. Please, by all means, do. Join the Dark Side. -10-
Re: -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	8-Jun-05/10:58 PM
Okay, sleep isn't worth keeping in the second line just for the rhyme. Also, as far as I know, most of them didn't die in heaps, as the poem suggests. At least, it would be extremely impractical to get people into heaps and then get them to wait while you killed them. If I were a warring tribesman, I'd kill them wherever they were and THEN put them in heaps. Assuming they didn't find a way to do it, that kills about your whole first four lines. Also, check this out: "KIGALI (Reuters) - The 1994 Rwandan genocide claimed 937,000 victims according to a census the Rwandan government conducted in 2001, a cabinet minister said on Sunday." So, apparently the census takers and calculators, et al, did do the job and you've got the wrong figure in your title (unless you're counting only Tutsis, which isn't exactly fair.) I don't understand fire brigade. I mean, yes, there was burning, but I think you mean the term to mean the people shooting, not the people burning. The firing squad is never called a fire brigade. The fire department is. "bleekness" -> bleakness.
Re: matrimonal enemy by hendrimike	8-Jun-05/10:46 PM
Idle question: Is there any machine in any part of America that still runs on nickles? PS-Your votes disappear when you edit. Don't bother complaining to nentwined about it. It'll just make you embarassed in the morning.
Re: a comment on Colorado by Voth269	8-Jun-05/10:33 PM
Random is not the way to go. Most of these users left poemranker years ago. Their poems show up on the random rotation because the administrator has set up random to show poems which nobody's bothered to vote on first. Which is kind of like walking through doors butt-first. To be fair, the poems on the Recent listings, written by current users, aren't much better. Welcome to p/r.
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	8-Jun-05/10:25 PM
"I dont even know who lil_evil_boi in real life is" That's odd. He's using your computer. To log on 10 minutes before you, the last time I checked. Seems like you would have bumped into each other.
Re: The Comedy of Mighty Rockmage: Combatting Old Age. by Don-Quixote	8-Jun-05/10:16 PM
Horus8, on rockmage: "What you did was give nentwined, shushin, intransit, richa, abcedarian, and shanon8764565, triple sets of tens on all of their poems to cover your ass, so no one would mind when you gave me 900 zeros." 15-Nov-03 -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.: "rockmage awarded this poeme 9. The average score awarded by rockmage is 9.51. Therefore rockmage has deemed this poeme to be below average." 27-Jan-04 zodiac: "penguin received on his last post the lowest score I've ever seen rockmage give - a 5." 27-Jan-04 Horus: "So let me get this straight you give people you like tens whether you've read the material or not, and people you don't like zeros using the same method? And we wonder what went wrong with democracy? lol." 15-Nov-03 Fraser Allonby: "I think it's silly to have more than one username. By the way, I notice that rockmage has many additional usernames: newagepoet2000, fatmansinging, sixtoedwonder, flouredweevle, assisenormus, masticatedmess, andyourhorsetoo, wahwahwahwha, gourdgrabber, sickerofdogs, foothangingoutofass, smarmyfaurt, lackoforiginality, Isureamstupid, and bulgingbuttocks." 4-Feb-04 rockmage: "Tis true. From my zero war with horus8." 4-Feb-04 The surprising thing about all of this isn't that it's all been done before, nor even that someone could think most of our poems deserve zeros. It's that rockmage still seems to be under the illusion that he's objective and literary.
Re: a comment on The Comedy of Mighty Rockmage: Combatting Old Age. by Don-Quixote	8-Jun-05/9:53 PM
Unfortunately, every other time you've tried to talk oldey lately you've come off like a garbage disposal trying to gargle Coriolanus.
Re: a comment on Dovecote by zodiac	8-Jun-05/9:49 PM
I agree. Yes. But then, the cousin's right. I don't understand it, or understand only in the most removed way. I have a feeling if I were an alcoholic or otherwise defeated by the world/God, I'd understand better. Interestingly, I was thinking while writing about the little room in most mosques where women have to go pray, and how they should get in there and party or plot God's death rather than praying to the One who's made their lives so shitty. Of course, they DO pray, and harder than most male Muslims, which is the point. I ended up dropping everything referring to the Middle East from the actual poem (except how here dovecotes are on the ground or roof, not on poles like in America), but I'd like to think it's still there, somewhere.