Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	20-Jun-05/5:14 AM
See my list below. Also, there's no reason to think using complicated rhymes necessarily means nonsequitors and work-arounds. I once rhymed "Mariachi", "lot - She", "crotchy" and "watching" so seamlessly that no one TO THIS DAY has realized it's a rhyming poem.
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	20-Jun-05/5:09 AM
I disagree. For one thing: frustrating <=> bust rating rhyming <=> hymen interesting <=> Pinter wresting beautiful <=> cuticle cannot <=> planet/Janet simply <=> dimply onomatopoetic <=> emetic/a mulatto aesthetic equivalent <=> ambivalent
Re: A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	19-Jun-05/5:26 AM
Not enough variation to avoid rhyming "love" and "above". You might be tempted to ask, What's wrong with that? This is: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97622
Re: a comment on Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	19-Jun-05/5:12 AM
But let's pretend for a moment this is a satisfactory answer. Are you Ashley? http://tinyurl.com/9f9ap Or Russell John? http://tinyurl.com/9tsp9 Or one of these people? http://tinyurl.com/abf6q Or one of these? http://tinyurl.com/bth83
Re: a comment on Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	19-Jun-05/4:57 AM
You could not more obviously be the same person if one of you existed in the other one's ass. Look at your messages. They're exactly the same, posted from the same IP# within fifteen minutes of each other. And by the way, neither of your responses is a satisfactory answer to, *********PLAGIARISM ALERT**********
Re: a comment on Sisyphus' wife by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	19-Jun-05/4:50 AM
Yes. You still want the apostrophe after the s.
Re: The And women by INTRANSIT	19-Jun-05/4:47 AM
I liked the title. I don't see how it relates to the poem. Which is also good.
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	18-Jun-05/3:06 AM
And, *********PLAGIARISM ALERT*********** You don't seem to have gotten the point last time, lil_evil_boi (or seem to be unable to distinguish between things you've heard once and things you've invented yourself). You must go running to record companies all the time with some song you've written, only to find it's "Losing My Religion". Nentwined: Not that you need to, but google any line from any of these. The most egregious ones are actual bumper stickers.
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	18-Jun-05/2:26 AM
These are the least naughty poems I've ever read.
Re: Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina	18-Jun-05/2:06 AM
Poetry -------------------------- SLAM! Poetry Compare and contrast. (5 points)
Re: a comment on Sisyphus' wife by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	18-Jun-05/2:05 AM
In case you were wondering and couldn't be bothered to check Miles Davis called the famous recording sessions Bitches Brew without an apostrophe. I'd say bitches' brew if I were you.
Re: a comment on Feed The War Machine by smiffy84	18-Jun-05/1:17 AM
I agree with your first comment. I'm not so sure about the rest. Most of the armed forces (like in any time except during drafts) are probably lowerclass kids or kids who barely made it through highschool and thought, hey, I could make good money for a few years and come out with all these educational and employment opportunities and it's not like anyone's going to declare war in the next four years.
Re: a comment on Impeccable mess by sk8rs_rule_all	18-Jun-05/1:15 AM
Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Get back into my heart, for I have lost you. I have lost my love in this impeccable mess of mine. I've lost my spot in line, the line of life. Dont give up what you have to get back there. I gave up what I had, just to get back here. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. I wont give up what I have to get back there again. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I was slipping into an abyss of love and anger, and lost my way. I reach for the rope looking for a way out, and you pulled me through. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Listen to your "friends" lying all around you, telling you things. They've ripped apart my heart, and have made you bleed out. You've bled yourself free of hate and anger. I was once torn, and you helped me. Better now? Took me two minutes. I could have fixed the grammar too in five. Please stop making the following assumptions: #1. Long-lined or prosy poems are more popular now than usual. #2. Long-lined or prosy poems are easier to write well than other poems. Instead, why not comment on how this poem uses the word "yesteryear" and is basically a soggy broomhead in a mushbucket of cliche?
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	18-Jun-05/12:56 AM
ADDENDUM: I talked to my wife about the poem, thinking that since she's a woman working with Muslim women alone (instead of Muslim women dealing with a man - me), she'd have a different and more accurate perspective on things. I hope you don't mind. She basically agreed with all my points, but added that she could imagine a situation where a raped woman would be given money and encouraged (or practically forced) by her family to move for her own safety somewhere anonymous and faraway, like the capital or America. This would be tantamount to being 'cast out of society' and the most disgraceful thing a woman here could imagine. However, she said the two options I named - returning to premarried status in her parents' house or being beaten to death - were the most likely, and emphasized that, outside of the liberal Mideast, the death option would be the most likely. Also, she mentioned that if this Muslim woman was in America or Europe, everything in this poem (including the beating by robbers, ironically!) would be more likely. Not that she'd be totally safe from killing; it's just that America and Europe have more robbers and rapists. I know - and knew - what you meant by "cast her out for Allah's good". You're on the righter track now, it seems.
Re: a comment on I want you by nicole081083	15-Jun-05/4:30 AM
As a matter of course and for obvious reasons, reputable (ie, you'd put them on your resume) poetry contests and journals have shunned online advertising and submissions. Of course, I love poemranker and a few other online poetry places dearly, but I use my paper, 5-pound 2005 Poets' Market for everything involving professional direction. If you don't have one (and if you take poetry anywhere near seriously - which I don't recommend,) get one.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	15-Jun-05/4:11 AM
You seem to be under the impression that to make a poem affecting, you just need to write about something terrible and affecting. Or, at least, you seem to think that if you read a poem about, oh, the Challenger explosion and aren't moved, it's because you're just insensate to the tragedy of poor Christie McAuliffe thinking she's just getting this free ride into space and then all of a sudden she's a gas drifting slowly down into the open mouth of some giant Atlantic carp. In other words, you're not getting it at all. In other words, the following poem should be the most moving you've ever read: "ON CRUSHING THE HEADS OF KITTENS INTO THE MOUTHS OF STARVING ORPHANS ....Splat! .....Ummmm...." All the rest of your so-called points (not in the poem, you ninny, in your comment immediately above this one) are barely worth discussing. Here's the short version: 1) Nobody's saying they only want to feel sorry for one family or ignore the scope of the tragedy and everything. But also nobody's managing to incorporate their own experiences or do put themselves in the place, or anything else to get a leg up on this poem. And why should they (your customers, as it were,) be required to do all this work anyway? Surely it's worth having people read your poem to put a little bit more effort into it yourself and make it effective on its own? 2) As far as "this poem is written by me for me" goes - well, that's poemranker's commonest lie. Notice you're posting these poems on POEMRANKER and asking (if only by implication) for people to read them and give their opinions. 3) Try to imagine you've never heard of Rwanda or Tutsis or anything else. Actually, I'll make it easier: "Tlatelolco (free verse) by zodiac After they bazooka'ed the residencia we all turned out in the big Plaza of Three Cultures in Mexico City to agitate. The guardia civil was wearing white gloves to identify themselves. Afterwards, we rode trains out to the ocean." Well? Moved? No, because you don't know or remember what happened at Tlatelolco just before the 68(?) Olympic Games there. What if I told you over three thousand were killed and taken in freight cars and helicopters to the ocean, and that parents still alive in Mexico don't know if their children died that night? If you feel something now, it's from the event, not the poem. If you don't feel something, it's because it's simply not a good poem. You see how that works? Don't you think it was my responsibility as writer to make the poem moving or carry the feeling of Tlatelolco even for people who didn't know about (or appreciate) the actual event? No? Then sorry, there's nothing I can do to help you.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	15-Jun-05/3:48 AM
What does that have to do with anything?
Re: a comment on I want you by nicole081083	15-Jun-05/3:45 AM
A poem which has received fewer (or no) votes will show up more often in the random circulation, which is what you get when you type poemranker.com into your web browser. That accounts for most of this post's hits. Which is rather like taking your date to a bar and vomiting before you even get to any stimulating conversation.
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	15-Jun-05/3:42 AM
We've already established on another post that this poem is about Arab Muslims.
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	15-Jun-05/3:40 AM
I'm curious: Why do you think this poem is as intolerant as Jew-hating? Because it presents some Muslims in an unflattering light, with the suggestion it's more than a few isolated Muslims she's talking about? And because that's what Jew-haters try to do with Jews? Let me try to set your mind at ease: If Dovina's poem is a little, um, inaccurate or ignorant in parts, the concern of the raped woman is a real and widespread in the Middle East. Actually, I happen to be sitting in an internet cafe in the Kingdom of Jordan and there's a woman using the computer next to me. Let me ask her. zodiac: If you were raped would you be afraid of some terrible repercussion from your husband, presumably a devout Muslim? Nameless Muslim Woman: Oh yes, definitely. So there you have it. Dovina's just told the semi-truth about a bad aspect of the Arabic world. If she hasn't included a lot of the good stuff about it, so what, and she probably doesn't hear a lot about that part. Neither have you, for that matter. And I notice you're not criticizing a lot of poems that point out America's bad aspects. It seems like you're suggesting any poem that doesn't point out an equal number of good and bad aspects of something is as intolerant as Jew-hating. Is that really what you want to say? PS-About Jew-hating. Jews are, naturally, hated by practically everyone in this country. But then, Jews did simply take an entire, incredibly-useful piece of land that belong to Arabs, displacing its Muslim residents, and, ever since, regularly reneging on promises they've made to Arabic countries, like removing their hundreds of settlements from the sliver of land left to Palestinians - a sliver of land legally owned and occupied by Arabs since antiquity. Or, like the treaty promising Jordan water from Israel's three (and soon to be six) dams on the Jordan River, in exchange for the devastation wrought in Jordan by the River's decreased flow. Anyway, would you say this hatred is, um, intolerant?