replying on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
8 Jun 2005, 9:41 PM
You forget, I live on Tatooine.
replying on Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
7 Jun 2005, 3:15 AM
Not now that you've asked.
replying on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
7 Jun 2005, 3:05 AM
No, I just meant grammatically. In the poem, "answer" is what comes - or, rather, "come".
I know the last line is a comparison. A repetition, actually (which I think more and more is what makes poetry poetry.) In truth, the comparison is implicit in the first stanza: Midwesterners think summer following rain isn't strange; since the poem's about Californians, we naturally think that Californians probably do think it's strange. It's not necessary to say so again. Particularly not for a last line.
My thinking for the moment is that "or rain's __________ result" should be the last line. I've no idea what the blank should be. 'inevitable', 'unfathomable', 'stillborn', and about a dozen others I've tried don't work - exactly. Something along those lines, though, and you'll be all aces.
I know the last line is a comparison. A repetition, actually (which I think more and more is what makes poetry poetry.) In truth, the comparison is implicit in the first stanza: Midwesterners think summer following rain isn't strange; since the poem's about Californians, we naturally think that Californians probably do think it's strange. It's not necessary to say so again. Particularly not for a last line.
My thinking for the moment is that "or rain's __________ result" should be the last line. I've no idea what the blank should be. 'inevitable', 'unfathomable', 'stillborn', and about a dozen others I've tried don't work - exactly. Something along those lines, though, and you'll be all aces.
replying on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
7 Jun 2005, 2:56 AM
Do you think the shape of balls is inappropriate?
replying on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
7 Jun 2005, 2:55 AM
It hasn't been a point of discussion since Simone Beauvoir and a dozen others made out what jackasses we all were for persisting in thinking the sun was male. These days, we tend to just stay indoors.
replying on Snow by lil_evil_boi
7 Jun 2005, 2:37 AM
Are you insane? It's obvious you either are lil_evil_boi or a very close friend of his. Can you actually go through the day thinking 'Hey, there's somebody who really likes my poems! "Speechless", he said!' That's nuts.
on Carte Blanche by ALChemy
6 Jun 2005, 6:08 AM
Please try to not post comments explaining your poems. -10-
on fireflies die too by hendrimike
6 Jun 2005, 6:06 AM
its hope. No apostrophe.
on The Comedy of Mighty Rockmage: Combatting Old Age. by Don-Quixote
6 Jun 2005, 6:05 AM
Except for "pretends only he be humble", which is incomprehensible, the best oldey talk you've ever written.
on Vote Goats by ALChemy
6 Jun 2005, 5:59 AM
If I told you my name is John Updike, would that make a difference?
Yes, you'd say, Ha ha, more like 'Up Johndick'.
Real mature. -10-
Yes, you'd say, Ha ha, more like 'Up Johndick'.
Real mature. -10-
replying on Lower than low by nicole081083
6 Jun 2005, 5:18 AM
What exactly, as far as this life is concerned?
In other words, can you think of another word to complete the sentence, "You've got to _____ just to make it today"? I can't.
In other words, can you think of another word to complete the sentence, "You've got to _____ just to make it today"? I can't.
replying on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
6 Jun 2005, 5:17 AM
Or "The sun's red swelling balls"?
on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina
6 Jun 2005, 5:16 AM
Do you mean "comes summer's answer" or "come summer's answers"? Or is there another subject somewhere I haven't noticed?
Would you consider dropping the last line? I liked it the first time, though. Really.
The title made me think of both the actual Smoky Mountains, in my home part of the world, and the Rocky Mountains of the song. Neither of which are referenced in the poem.
PS-I do wish you'd stop taking Shuushin's word about end-line punctuation.
PPS-Very good, overall.
Would you consider dropping the last line? I liked it the first time, though. Really.
The title made me think of both the actual Smoky Mountains, in my home part of the world, and the Rocky Mountains of the song. Neither of which are referenced in the poem.
PS-I do wish you'd stop taking Shuushin's word about end-line punctuation.
PPS-Very good, overall.
replying on Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
4 Jun 2005, 7:04 AM
Yes, once. Is that sufficient?
replying on Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
4 Jun 2005, 7:00 AM
Oh. Crap. Guess I walked into that.
on lawngazing by skaskowski
4 Jun 2005, 6:50 AM
How were the bottles busted on a blanket? Not that it matters, I'm just curious.