Re: My First Boyfriend by jessicazee	8-Oct-05/3:56 AM
Brilliant. Always a pleasure. I have no idea how to critique or edit your poems. Brilliant.
Re: dictates of whose travel agency? by A. Nomaly	8-Oct-05/3:47 AM
No apostrophes in the title. Anywhere. Correct would be "dictates of whose travel agency". Want to call me anal? Go ahead. At least I'm not illiterate, and anal people still get laid, apparently.
Re: His Secret in the Woods by TLRufener	8-Oct-05/3:45 AM
Great. If only you were ironic.
Re: a comment on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy	8-Oct-05/3:40 AM
Firstly, consider that no one has ever spontaneously invented faith from nothing. Ever, in the history of everything. Secondly, to both you and Dovina, I'd add that faith is holding something to be true DESPITE the evidences of your senses to the contrary. Consider: You don't have FAITH that matter is composed of protons, neutrons, and electrons bound together by unimaginable forces, despite that you have no real evidence for it. You don't have evidence that space is infinitely huge, but holding that to be true isn't what any of us would call FAITH. (nb here-Dovina's quibble involves the expression "take it on faith" and has little to do with what we're talking about.) People DO, however have FAITH that some part of a person exists beyond the physical body and death, despite that all the evidence points toward dead people being pretty much gone. People have FAITH that the world was made by God one week about 6,000 years ago, despite that there are dinosaur bones apparently millions of years old, records of human existence from tens of thousands of years ago, and all kinds of other evidence for a world billions of years old. Faith's not just holding something to be true without evidence, it's holding it to be true AGAINST evidence. Sorry to interrupt, but we've had this argument for days before without realizing that vocab/definition problems had us talking about totally different things. Another hint: Don't use the words 'faith' or 'belief' to mean 'holding something to be true'. Use 'holding something to be true'.
Re: a comment on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	8-Oct-05/3:28 AM
Usually I sing it to the Smurfs theme song. (Bonus note: It's against Muslim holy law to call the call-to-prayer 'singing'. True story.) After 10 years of paying attention to it, I'd say the key to poetry is repetition. Or, better, prediction. I don't mean when you hear "I'm in love" you know the next line's going to be "sent from heaven above." I mean, you tap your feet to it; you know there's a line ending with -incter coming up somewhere; the image of the dump truck comes back in the end; a metaphor holds the poem together. Now, before everybody jumps on my ass, I think there's a WHOLE FUCKING LOT of room to play in poems, even when your goal is repetition. As evidence, consider that my poems (ie, repetition-focused) are generally more original than the most out-there free-form poetry on poemranker. The trick is surprising people just a little. Put 'succincter' in the middle of a line instead of the end. Toss up the beat a little. Make an odd refrain or repeat an image where it's not expected. But repeat something, anything. Or you'll sound like one of our resident Californian poets reading a Whole Foods grocery list in a monotone. Rhyme's a good place to start, but I wouldn't do it for a living.
Re: a comment on Escape by Heather Dee	8-Oct-05/3:15 AM
One: Well, yeah. It's a limerick. Two: Most of the time. I'm pretty sure sometimes I'm just adding consonants at random. I swear half the time he sounds like, 'ra'ira', 'ello, ra'ira'ira'.
Re: a comment on Sex Object by Dovina	8-Oct-05/3:12 AM
Because of course you'd hate to be, oh, what would you say? - "pinned down by a title." Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I mean, I'm not some "tree-hugger" or "nigger-lover" or something, but thinking like yours is as dangerous as the kind who actively hate women. That's me being 100% sincere. Therefore, I refuse to afford you the dignity of a zero. 5 is the least-respecting vote.
Re: a comment on Why I’m Homeless by Dovina	8-Oct-05/3:08 AM
Are you joking? I mean don't punctuate where it's unnecessary and punctuate where it is. Have you ever tried checking your poems in prose format? I.e., But in this sadder, better role any gesture: wisdom or kindness - appears magnified. Actually, it seems to me like commas would work best. Sorry to be such a predictable homebody.
Re: a comment on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy	8-Oct-05/3:00 AM
This is a philosopher: "I believe X." This is a religious: "I believe in a philosophy."
Re: a comment on Why I’m Homeless by Dovina	7-Oct-05/7:12 AM
I think nothing would be better. That reminds me: drop the dash after kindness.
Re: a comment on pep talk by ay deee	7-Oct-05/7:11 AM
I dunno. Hairy shirt's just a good image.
Re: a comment on sap's pay by ay deee	7-Oct-05/7:10 AM
You have a very grunge predilection for say/away/day/play rhymes. Personally, I think you should consider another line of work.
Re: a comment on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	7-Oct-05/7:04 AM
Where I live, the people who bother to visit think the Muslim call to prayer is the most beautiful haunting thing ever. This is at least half because it's not usually in any musical key known to the West and because the desert gives it odd echoey effects. The other half is that it rhymes. If they knew the muezzin was just singing "I believe there's no god but God, I believe Mohammed's the prophet of God, hurry up to prayer, hurry up to the harvest, no god but God," they probably wouldn't think it's nearly as tragic and emotive. As it is, they just have a dim awareness of rhyme, especially the part that actually goes "la ilah ila allah". There's a quality to good rhyme beyond the emotive power of words themselves. cf Robert Frost. In short, you should love rhyme for exactly the reason that you hate it.
Re: a comment on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy	7-Oct-05/6:53 AM
Philosophy isn't necessarily religion. Your philosophy is religion. That is, it's borrowed from some vague semi-ancientness, exaggerated, and so totally changed to meet your needs it would be unrecognizable to an actual ancient summa. Consider as further proof that you believe your version of summa philosophy is the true one and not one totally changed to meet your needs.
Re: Sex Object by Dovina	7-Oct-05/6:48 AM
You're sick. If you were a feminist, you'd at least get so-called sensitive men. No vote.
Re: a comment on Escape by Heather Dee	7-Oct-05/6:45 AM
My girl (a dinosaur, but extincter) Had a thing for toying with my sphincter Til one day, quite naughtily, She entered it bodily. We still talk, though her voice is indistincter. Also, consider rhymes with her (or 'er), like "binked her", "Colonel Klinked 'er" or "hyperlinked 'er". A great user of cliches is Thom Yorke of Radiohead. He actually never sings anything that isn't like a tv-movie.
Re: A Light in the Dark by Verse2Verse	5-Oct-05/3:28 AM
http://www.slate.com/id/2120101/
Re: Pebbles by Verse2Verse	5-Oct-05/2:10 AM
"With every pebble thrown A heart suffers loss" is the part that sounds most like an Poison-esque power ballad or country music. And really? Does that heart REALLY "suffer loss" every time you throw a pebble? Excuse me for suggesting that sounds like one of those things which are only true in power ballads, like love's like a knife, or the jukebox playing your song.
Re: The chestnut by richa	5-Oct-05/2:01 AM
Really great. Is that really how it's spelled? I thought absinthe, and am too lazy to check.
Re: sap's pay by ay deee	5-Oct-05/1:58 AM
Are you Kris Novoselic? Or the Meat Puppets?