Re: Why I’m Homeless by Dovina	5-Oct-05/1:58 AM
Drop the colons. Great.
Re: Escape by Heather Dee	5-Oct-05/1:56 AM
If I may make a suggestion, try rewriting this poem avoiding any rhymes you've ever heard, ever, in any poem or song. Ever. This would mean skipping go and know, pain and gain, find and mind, and probably eyes and ties, to say the least. Finding new rhymes will also help you to avoid those unfortunate cliches (since there's only so many places to lay your weary head, and that's your bed, for example.) In other words, if instead of saying "Take a moment to close your eyes" you said, oh, "take a moment to flex your sphincter" and then made it rhyme, you'd be bound to say something original, and therefore a hundred times more interesting than what you have. That's all. Great try, but please take my advice seriously. I know the tone of this comment is a little sarcastic, but that's only because I live in the middle of a great ugly desert without access to conventional forms of entertainment. I mean it. You can't write anything good while using cliche rhymes.
Re: a comment on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	5-Oct-05/1:49 AM
Is your friend gay? Who actually criticizes poetry for not rhyming enough?
Re: a comment on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus	5-Oct-05/1:47 AM
You're so full of balls. Are you aware of how much you're making this shit up? I am. PS-For bonus points (or at least a shot at redemption), name an American holiday with "female soul".
Re: a comment on Without my Glasses by Niphredil	5-Oct-05/1:44 AM
I speak fluent Arabic jive. It throws off my enemies, giving me time to throw a handful of sand in their eyes and disappear. Also, I live in the safe part of the Middle East, (the only Middle Eastern country without a major attack against tourists this year! 2100 Safe Days and counting! Woo-hoo,) the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan. Also, I'm serious about speaking Arabic jive.
Re: a comment on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus	3-Oct-05/7:42 AM
Really? You should. Starve yourself all day, then sit down with the neighbors to a big platter of goat smothered in goat yoghurt at sunset. Round noonish everything has to stop because everyone's low-blood-sugared and fighting in the streets. It's a beautiful time. A family time. Do you know the US Army actually slows or entirely stops its attacks and bombings at Ramadan, out of respect for the fasting-crazed, weakened and moody populace? I find that simply wonderful.
Re: a comment on Without my Glasses by Niphredil	3-Oct-05/7:38 AM
What a bind you've got me in! How do I prove I actually do live in the mideast without coming off like a hopeless wanna-be introvert? Oh, no, wait. I don't give a fuck. "Put on his glasses! He was gonna be an acrobat" is the best thing posted on this site in weeks. Its astonishing interworking parts ought to be dissected and studied.
Re: a comment on Without my Glasses by Niphredil	3-Oct-05/4:32 AM
I'm also an English major from Cold Mountain, NC, currently living in the Great Arab Armpit.
Re: a comment on Without my Glasses by Niphredil	3-Oct-05/4:31 AM
I'm the undiscovered corpse of Qusai Hussein, a.k.a. 'The Cultured Hussein', a.k.a. 'Little Torturepants', a.k.a. 'Bunny'.
Re: a comment on Without my Glasses by Niphredil	3-Oct-05/4:28 AM
It's the movie My Girl, starring Macaulay Culkin. 10 points if you knew that.
Re: a comment on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus	3-Oct-05/4:28 AM
If I've said this once I've said it a quadrillion times: That's because language in California has evolved to the point that normal speech is considered poetic. Hence its reams and reams of godawful poetry. No, seriously. Happy Ramadan as of sunset tomorrow.
Re: a comment on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu	3-Oct-05/4:25 AM
Great. I just powervomited gatayyef. Happy Ramadamadan. PS-Your first sentence is my exact description of your poetry. Check and mate.
Re: a comment on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu	1-Oct-05/7:09 AM
PS-Brilliant.
Re: A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu	1-Oct-05/7:07 AM
I never understand anything you write about.
Re: What do u think i am! by T. Jonathron Remp	1-Oct-05/7:05 AM
The best part was "encampuslate". Have you ever read anything, ever?
Re: a comment on Without my Glasses by Niphredil	1-Oct-05/7:04 AM
http://www.scifiscripts.com/msol/my_girl.html
Re: Without my Glasses by Niphredil	1-Oct-05/6:52 AM
VADA His face hurts, and where is his glasses? He can't see without his glasses! Put his glasses on! (Harry and Shelly are rapidly approaching Vada, Shelly takes hold of her and tries to pull her away) Put on his glasses! He was gonna be an acrobat. HARRY He's gone sweetheart. He's gone! VADA Get away, get away!!
Re: a comment on Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse	1-Oct-05/6:40 AM
Really? Are you saying you're REALLY "a lady I always see on the same bridge... She just peers off into the waters... homeless or just listless"? Or should I have made a clearer exception in my hat offer for people who think they're living in undergrad fiction-writing writing?
Re: a comment on How Angels Smell by Dovina	1-Oct-05/6:38 AM
I've hardly ever made suggestions on your poems, except perhaps the suggestion that you 'stop writing incoherent drivel.' If you're suggesting you would remove your poems more into drivel if you stopped writing incoherent drivel, I'd like to see you try. If you mean you'll remove them more into drivel by adopting one of my many OBSERVATIONS, what the hell ever. Yours forever, zodiac
Re: a comment on The regrets made me voids by Prince of Void	30-Sep-05/5:26 AM
ADDENDUM: It turns out that if you actually select "Roguefort" it directs you to a page about ordinary Roquefort. I'd had an image of an especially roguish blue-veined cheese not unlike a cheese version of ultragay British actor Ian McKellen which has, thankfully, been punctured. Not unlike ultragay British actor Ian McKellen.