| Re: Sonnet For a Porn Star by mikejedw |
21-Jan-04/12:51 PM |
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First line's not pentameter. Otherwise good.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Jan-04/2:46 PM |
Sorry, papists and rosicrucians shouldn't write poetry. There's been no hip papist poetry (or rosicrucian, for that matter,) since that crazy Mechtild of Magdebourg rag, which reached the height (or depth) of blah status-quo pop-culture approbation when it was re-worked into the dance track 'Hit me baby one more time' (with only the word 'baby' inserted for 'Yahweh'.)
Besides, it's the only thing which makes papists and rosicrucians more predictable than their usual speech, other than commenting prudishly on other people's bohemian poetry posts, which is (clearly) all you're going to find here. We clearly do not want you to believe our ways (which we have none,) nor do we accept that God (which there is none) put us here for a purpose (which there is, but not the one He planned.) Once again, zero. Read it to your Bible study.
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| Re: Crystal Lane Swift by Matthew Bennett |
23-Jan-04/8:04 AM |
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| Re: His Master's Jodhpurs by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
23-Jan-04/12:00 PM |
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Perfect. Put periods at the ends of the stanzas and a bow in its hair and send out into the street to the tune of a jig. Tomorrow it may drown itself in the Liffey, but tonight there's only tonight and infinite possibilities for love.
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| Re: His Master's Jodhpurs by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
23-Jan-04/12:03 PM |
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I meant to say it doesn't sound like Poe. Sounds like Burns and Joyce (of course) but better. Poe was too clumsy, even in the dark tarn of Auber poem which I can't remember the name of now. And I think Jodhpurs is a great touch and don't know enough about Briticisms to know if you made it up or not.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Jan-04/12:59 PM |
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Welcome to our century. Here's an introductory 9, which in your time was a big numerological deal.
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| Re: Lullaby by Goad |
23-Jan-04/1:07 PM |
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I was cool until "left over from the war." Are you serious? And if you are, still don't say that. The best part is the first stanza. And if you're wondering why I gave yellowtail a 9 for a poem with one of those accented past-tenses ('claspèd') and you got just an 8 it's because I assume yellowtail is an adolescent and (as of now) that you are not.
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| Re: P.M.S. by Princess_Snowflake |
25-Jan-04/4:32 AM |
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I can't believe you reposted this.
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| Re: the small drop by richa |
25-Jan-04/8:28 AM |
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Good as always. Comments: 1.) the comma after 'water' shouldn't be there. Maybe you could put a line break there instead. 2.) there should be some kind of punctuation after the end of the first stanza 3.) 'a sunlight' is weird when just 'they were sunlight' would be just as good. You get a nine because, though it's not perfect, it's better than all the crap getting unwarranted 9s and 10s on this site.
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| Re: A Glass of Water by Princess_Snowflake |
25-Jan-04/8:31 AM |
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| Re: A Glass of Water by Princess_Snowflake |
25-Jan-04/8:34 AM |
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And I felt good about the 10 you gave me, rockmage, until I started counting all the 10s you've given other people recently. What do you do when a poem is not say-nothing fluff like this? Do you have an 11 in reserve?
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| Re: The Upside-Down Frown by fevriere |
25-Jan-04/8:38 AM |
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You win the coveted 'Golden Spiral-bound Notebook' for the day if CLS/Lydia-Evelyn and Princess Snowflake don't post. It comes with a purple wobble pen.
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| Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus |
25-Jan-04/8:45 AM |
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The title needs changing. Possibly just to 'The Blossom Tree'? Just a suggestion. Notice I'm still giving you a ten.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Jan-04/1:04 PM |
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Onouluvme - Votes generally don't mean a thing. Check out http://www.poemranker.com/poem-topten.jsp. Click "view voting details" on any of those poems. Note the repeated ISPs with different names. If you've written something decent, you'll hear about it in a comment, maybe.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Jan-04/1:43 PM |
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Not really a haiku, though. That gets my goat.
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| Re: moon rants by bluwiz |
25-Jan-04/1:51 PM |
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How did this turn into such crap after pretty good opening lines? It's like you lost faith. Go back down Gumdrop Pass to about halfway through the first stanza and start again.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Jan-04/2:00 PM |
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| Re: bitch on the triple word score by middenHeap |
25-Jan-04/3:14 PM |
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It would be even better with a bunch of seven-letter words starting with Qu or X. No, I can't think of any myself right now.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Jan-04/4:18 PM |
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I'd like to see you write something longer than haiku. You'll be a long time filling a book that way.
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| Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore |
26-Jan-04/6:04 AM |
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"Stagnant pools of seamen"? You know I was otherwise bound to like this. One thing, though: the end of a stanza never-ever is the same as a period. You have to go back and put some in.
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