Re: Origins by Doug	16-Jun-04/1:42 PM
Look, Doug, I know you think I'm a "nitpicking dickwad" and a "bore", but please try to pay attention for a second. This is as close to real criticism as I get on this site. The entire central conceit of this poem (that Perfection and Profound beget Hope) is totally wrong. If anything, Hope and An Infinite Amount of Monkeys and A Finite Amount of Time produce Perfection, but even that's pretty much crap, too. The point is, Perfection and Hope are pretty much unrelated - or at best inversely related. If there were no such real thing as Perfection, people would still Hope. And, in fact, if there were such a thing as Perfection, and it was common enough, then there would be no such thing as Hope. And besides, Perfection and Profound aren't even the species. If they were to breed, they could only produce some horrific Adjenoun which any half-decent midwife would wisely smother with a pillow. I would recommend picking some new abstract qualities and giving this another shot. Or even better, stop writing poems based on your bad idea of what poetry's supposed to be, which is apparently Big Capitalized Abstractions, and write something about, I don't know, your deep personal feelings or something. Thanks, zodiac PS-The most appropriate response to this comment is not: "So? Your central conceit is wrong too and I gave all your poems multiple zeros."
Re: do you talk out loud in public? by peaceseeker	16-Jun-04/3:20 PM
Do you have any idea how silly your title is?
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Jun-04/5:10 PM
You might consider replacing "is coming" with a more active and descriptive verb/phrase. And I'm sure I'm not alone thinking "age long" should be hyphenated, even if it wrecks the effect. And boxes should have a comma, rather than a period, after.
Re: West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco	16-Jun-04/5:18 PM
I liked it better before, even if it wasn't a triolet.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jun-04/10:41 AM
This poem is entirely lacking in art.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jun-04/10:43 AM
This reminds me of my poem "Blinking", which is posted at http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=94210
Re: Owain Glyndwr by Nicholas Jones	17-Jun-04/10:46 AM
I can't imagine why you'd want to say "I can only drive slowly, first gear on the gradients, Slow progress only is possible."
Re: Chin-up by Rodavlas	17-Jun-04/7:22 PM
Hey check out this action, homeslice: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=no%20one http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=noone
Re: nanana by FreeFormFixation	18-Jun-04/9:49 AM
re: "Point A must always meet point B unless a line divides a means." Would you say that, like poetry, math is a subject which pretty much everybody is equally qualified to talk about, that there are no right or wrong answers in math?
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jun-04/8:08 PM
In response to this poem, I would suggest you become a gay, as homos don't have to deal with all the crap in relationships that we normals do; they've had to work so hard just to get semi-official human being status, and aren't likely to screw it all up over something so silly as who forgot to take out the trash. Think about it.
Re: What's Poetry by Sasha	18-Jun-04/8:24 PM
I went to Rilke's grave in Ronda last Christmas. Ronda's one of the most totally ace towns I've ever seen - the best part of Spain, definitely.
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	18-Jun-04/9:37 PM
Here's the grammar bit: You don't need a comma between stoic and cobalt. "It's" should "its", and I had trouble remembering that 'it' was Lake Michigan. I'd consider saying "the lilted breeze" and running the sentence into the next stanza, instead. At any rate, the second bit needs a little work. You've got "as I drank" doing double duty as subordinate clause for two main clauses, a big No-no. The best I can come up with for a revision would be something like: I can still hear Lake Michigan's soft and stoic cobalt breakers. The lilted breeze by the Beer Garden mixed so well with your silly laugh, blew your russet hair against my cheek as I drank the rest of your warm Black & Tan, stared at the shimmering of your freckled shoulder, half concerned that sweat and sun could make such splendor. I'm not really pleased with that - as you've pointed out, I'm not great shakes at poetry-writing lately. But you get the idea. Some other little things: 1) "stared at" bothers me. I hate that construction, and though everyone on this site is bound to bust my ass for saying it, I like "watched" a lot better. Or "stared ______ at" with some adverb or other (hard, sleepily, stupidly, come to mind) inserted. 2) I wasn't really prepared for "half-concerned". Looking back for clues, I get the "silly" girl who doesn't deserve to be so splendorous - and that's about it. Maybe it's enough and I just wasn't paying enough attention the first time; see what other people think about it. 3) "so well" is a waste of space, a place-holder expression. You can think of a better description. 4) You should break the line after "sun". Then you get an easy half-rhyme with "Tan" and you don't have to worry about the last line being much longer than any of the others. That's about it. It's not bad, really. Definitely the best of your posts.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-04/11:11 AM
This is the most amazingly astute poem ever.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-04/11:14 AM
Oddly, the worst part of this is "She wants my wedding ring. I still miss his name. To do it all again, to savor the pain,"
Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina	21-Jun-04/11:17 AM
The rule that "each small life Feels itself the center of the universe," while a generally good one, probably does not apply to insects, mollusks, or the aboriginal races.
Re: "She Phoned This Morning" by ARTIE	21-Jun-04/9:03 PM
I love the way you say "As I woke on berth of linen" without an indefinite article, though that would be the obvious and correct thing to do.
Re: Exist For You by WithoutLife	21-Jun-04/9:05 PM
Can someone tell me what is the present tense of 'wrought'?
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jun-04/9:10 PM
In my opinion, this is the least Fiona-Apple-like of your poems. I mean that as a compliment. PS-I'll give you five dollars if you can come up with a better response than 'Thanks!'
Re: unbroken bottle by skaskowski	21-Jun-04/9:17 PM
I don't think you've really thought out the line "There are rivers to cross between happiness and loss" very well. PS-I thought the movie 'What Dreams May Come' was totally ace!
Re: Where Else to Start But the End by cleverdevice	21-Jun-04/9:25 PM
I think you'd be inclined to believe a proposition like 'Where Else to Start But the End?' is right and self-evident because it sounds really cool. However, if I said 'Where Else to Start But the Beginning?' you'd also think that was true, because it, too, sounds cool.