Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus	24-Aug-05/5:03 AM
Rivers of cataracts is kind of funny, since in the most obvious sense of the word it's practically the same thing. Yes, I know about the less-obvious sense of the word. Not worth the cuteness, says I. But then, I did just post one where the ears she boxes are rabbit-ears, so who am I to talk? Would you consider dropping the air-quotes around comfortable? I think the irony is obvious enough without. Then adding a period and dropping "as" from the next line. Yes, I've a personal thing with "as", and it seems to me like if you're telling a story, like you are, then it's kind of understood that things are happening at the same or almost-same time. That's about it. This is one of the best of yours I've read.
Re: The Big Stupid Dink :) :) by Bethy	24-Aug-05/5:13 AM
Drop the comma after week and it's the best first verse I've seen lately. Stanza 3's good too. The rest could use work. Here are some directions to take it: 1) What can a poem this long talk about besides the guy was a jerk, at least the kids have great me? Possibilities: the real emotion of a guy leaving, even if he wasn't that great; the empty side of the bed; small bits of human contact. 2) I'd like to have the following commandment for all poetry engraved: Thou shalt not sound reproachless. Thou shalt at least leave some tension surrounding whether the narrator's really a great guy (or girl) or not. Also whether or not the narrator's really on the right track or not. Thou shalt at least leave some room for doubt, lest lightning striketh your unhumble head. Like in the one I just posted: The guy's got some sensitivity problems, leaving his house and fucking women like that. And he might not even be so right about things. Maybe he is, but there's a give-and-take, see what I mean? -9 for the first and third stanzas-
Re: Silence by crooked_smile	24-Aug-05/5:14 AM
Sometimes talking is overrated
Re: Wrapping a Gift by Dovina	26-Aug-05/5:12 AM
I happen to be listening right now to a song with one of the sexiest lines I know: - So go outside in the desert heat, get your dress all wet and send it to me. My suggestion: White cotton panties and nothing else.
Re: Quietus Proprietus by INTRANSIT	26-Aug-05/6:45 AM
No, you shouldn't. It's bordering on overcleverness now (you know the kind: the turn-of-phrase or hidden rhyme won't fit in the poem but you just can't stop yourself from including it.) I like all of this except "she was in the perfect autumn ensemble"
Re: Lessons(revised) by bellafuego	31-Aug-05/5:10 AM
Why does the first line have a question mark after it? Would you say you've learned all the things there are to learn in life now? The reason I'm asking is because fifteen minutes before you wrote this poem, you could have written a poem saying Some things I've learned: 2 + 2 = 4, Translation always works, The sky's always blue etc, and been just as wrong. In fact, I imagine you writing this exact same poem every fifteen minutes for the rest of your life and always being exactly the same amount wrong. Wouldn't that be something? What do you think about that?
Re: Present, tense by INTRANSIT	31-Aug-05/5:32 AM
I'm betting you live in a hurricane path, and the windows are now a stained glass driveway. Am I close?
Re: First Love by Dovina	3-Sep-05/4:22 AM
Um, because seasons and sunrises USUALLY stay? Forgive me if I think the problem's your expectation, not the sunrise.
Re: The Absense of God by Bluemonkey	3-Sep-05/4:25 AM
Where'd he go?
Re: The Absense of God by Bluemonkey	3-Sep-05/4:25 AM
Also, not a haiku.
Re: Strength by Dovina	5-Sep-05/3:24 AM
The amount you should think he disapproves is, "pretty much, but not to an extent or in a way that necessitates raging." Is it?
Re: Baudelaire: The Albatross by Sasha	5-Sep-05/5:54 AM
The first line-and-a-half is the best opening I've read recently.
Re: this has happened more than a few times by ay deee	6-Sep-05/3:36 AM
Consider the possibility that you are actually insane.
Re: Letting Go by longships	6-Sep-05/3:39 AM
LOVE/ABOVE ALERT... LOVE/ABOVE ALERT... PLEASE TRAVEL TO http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97622 AND AWAIT EVACUATION.
Re: Stardust by TLRufener	6-Sep-05/3:48 AM
You know what I think is genius? How you've given a poem exactly the same name as one of the most famous songs of all time, yet your poem and the song are so dissimilar. I mean, check out these lyrics from the original: And now the purple dusk of twilight time Steals across the meadows of my heart High up in the sky the little moon starts to climb Always reminding me that we're apart You wandered down the lane and far away Leaving me a song that will not die Love is now the stardust of yesterday The music of the years gone by Sometimes I wonder why I spend a lonely night dreaming of a song The melody haunts my reverie, and I am once again with you When our love was new and each kiss an inspiration But that was long ago, now my consolation is in the stardust of a song. Beside a garden wall, when stars are bright, you are in my arms The nightingale tells his fairy tale Of paradise where roses grew Though I dream in vain, in my heart it will remain My stardust melody, The memory of love's refrain Is there any point on which your poem didn't take a new and astonishing direction? No! Not a one! Beautiful. -10-
Re: Watch where you're swingin' your dipthong, buddy by INTRANSIT	6-Sep-05/3:54 AM
Diphthong, actually. And yes it is a funny word. I don't see how it has much to do with the rest of the poem, except that Frank, you, and Seattle (among others) are, in fact, diphthongs.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Sep-05/3:57 AM
Good poem. One small correction: both royalty and loyalty are misspelled.
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Sep-05/5:30 AM
"Quiero te amar mucho" is absolutely the worst Spanish of all the Spanish you've posted on this site. Please, please learn another language. Like English. Or if you feel you're not frightening him away fast enough with your lunatic self-abasement, you can say it in Arabic and sound exactly like a choking budgerigar. AHHebbach chtiiran, zodiac
Re: Beneath The Undertow by longships	8-Sep-05/5:30 AM
Did the undertow tow him to somewhere beneath the undertow? How odd. How?
Re: Rambling by terbenaw	10-Sep-05/4:40 AM
A sloppy effort. You didn't even bother using 'gold', 'mould', 'scold', 'wold', 'fourfold', 'paroled', or 'wrestling hold'.