regarding some deleted poem...	30-Sep-02/2:14 PM
The passion is undeniable, but other than that this has nothning going for it. Insanity's a gift, but if you're going to create poetry with it, you've got to control it. Build a dam, a windmill. Transform yourself.
Re: At The Sloane Slattery on Saturday by Limness	30-Sep-02/2:18 PM
Nice rythmn, and images. S3 is very endearing. What's a Slattery?
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Sep-02/2:28 PM
Stupid, funny, then stupid again.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Sep-02/5:50 PM
Many typos.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Sep-02/5:55 PM
You bore the shit out of me and as an extra bonus, you can't spell.
Re: Married by INTRANSIT	30-Sep-02/6:04 PM
Tether is real. All else is idealism. Plus it brings the visual of holding on and and helping them, even if it means fighting the prevailing winds. Also it is love that keeps me tethered. Otherwise I'd have drifted out into the stratosphere years ago, or worse yet, gotten stuck in a tree. So you're leaving truck-driving? I hope it works out well for you.
Re: Dear Ms. Sexton by <{Baba^Yaga}>	30-Sep-02/6:25 PM
I liked the poem. Especially, of course, the title and it's relation to the 2nd to last stanza. The comments are well-written, funny/scary and I wish I had just a smidgen of your talent for pulling things out of your ass. "Look mommy the entire L.A. philharmonic"! Hows baby^yaga feeling today. no more 104 temp?
Re: I Will Stay in Bed Today by jessicazee	30-Sep-02/6:48 PM
I think this poem captures the protaganists predicament quite well.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Sep-02/9:39 PM
Your format makes this terrible poem a pain to read. All in all a disaster.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Sep-02/9:56 PM
it's all the pot you're smoking. It makes you paranoid and hyper-aware. not bad, but not interesting either. Some parts are bad.
Re: Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof	1-Oct-02/7:51 AM
I believe the flaw is your over-sized heart. I really enjoy the rhymn scheme.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Oct-02/8:03 AM
O.k. you've got a point, so here goes...You begin to stray at the last line of S2. You redeem yourself slightly in S3 and then finish it on a bad line again. The first thing I'm confronted with is why did you right this poem in the first place? Is this Humor? Is this Bitterness? what is this? the reader is not going to walk away with something to think about or a revelation of any kind. You lose your focus throughout. It becomes a pain to read through your pain, or what ever it is, I'm utterly clueless, because you leave no clues. Better
Re: 5 p.m. by cobalt	1-Oct-02/8:29 AM
The first stanza is particularly beautiful, and though I love a strong finish, a beautiful beginning is a treat. Nice poem. Strong finish.
Re: Life of a Cubicle Dweller by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/8:38 AM
I want more from this little poem. The subject si an important one, and there is so much material there to draw from. I think you should continue working on this and fleshing it out more. Make some observations about the dynamics between co-workers or some such thing. The contrast between nature and interior is too predictable. Wasn't there a poem posted about 2 weeks ago on the subject of office life that was pretty good I can't find it. Can any one tell me?
Re: Another Julie by Brennan	1-Oct-02/9:13 AM
Wow. I'm suprised at how good this is. Usually this style is executed very badly.
Re: Why am I here? by harrytuttle	1-Oct-02/9:27 AM
No this isn't the one I was speaking of. I hadn't read this. Again the insid eoutside comparison is a bit too predictable, but you handle the inside very well. And the image of a men in tie & trousers rolling down a grassy slope is wonderful. My boyfriends an engineer at a giant defense company. the first thing he does when he leaves the building is take off his shirt and tie and walk to his car bare chested.
Re: Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/9:56 AM
Show me the memories. Don't tell about memories. "Suddenly I shatterer. Striking the cold concrete reality of her/No longer desiring my words/ No longer craving my touch/ I lie broken./And she, with her Blah,blah blah,(description of her) and full of life moves on./ I belong to this silence/ I am frozen in this sorrow. I hope I'm not being to presumptious. I'm not implying this is the way the poem should be written, I'm just trying to give you an example of how you should play with the draft til it's as pretty as it can be. Then/They/My/I/Of must be avoided as much as possible. Show me what 's happening don't explain it to me.
Re: Haiku for Mum by waltfreakinwhitman	1-Oct-02/10:12 AM
Hahahahahahaha!!! Totally unexpected. great punchline, you sick bastard.
Re: Winter Rose by Brennan	1-Oct-02/10:28 AM
Do I know you? Pierced is miss-spelled at end.
Re: Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/11:13 AM
o.k. you're headed in the right direction but you need to lighten the load. The first line is no good for a start. Falling Fast. Falling swiftly past the memories. She cherished me once, or so I thought./ Not "the nights" But " cold nights long nights warm nights. Tell m eexactly, precisely what the nights were. Remember and show me. Stop writing like you're thinking. Start writing like you're feeling. "My love blanketing her from the indifferent, frigid, callous, insensible night. This process takes hours upon hours. Read something in the meantime. that always helps me. Pray to her. Use your subconscience as well. Say the words aloud. Make the tears flow from your eyes