| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Jan-03/9:05 PM |
The last stanza is perfect. Telll me, how many women could you love?
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| Re: Equality by Freethinker1602 |
2-Jan-03/7:07 PM |
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
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| Re: unsent by Bill Z Bub |
2-Jan-03/7:15 PM |
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This is gorgeous. Why did you place 'yours truly' at the end? Lines 10- 12 make my lowback start to tickle, and then I involuntary start arching my back. Good stuff.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/7:25 AM |
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Not as bright as your other poems, but I'm going to assume those were fussed over more than this one. I Like your style a great deal. I feel as if you are recounting something for me, and I like that. I find people reveal the most important information when they're just quietly having conversation. I think the ending jives very well with the theme.
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| Re: Epistemology (2nd draft) by Ranger |
3-Jan-03/7:42 AM |
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This is way too over the top. You turn me off from reading the rest pretty much immediately. "Escaping from this..." sounds like a sentence that escaped from a -=Dark_Angel=-'s lastest entry. This poem lacks a seriousness. 'phosphorescent sizzling metaphor'!? That's just ugly.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/8:07 AM |
Important subject, needs re-writing. Don't tell me what I should believe, tell me what happened. I'll form my own conclusions. You keep crossing over the line between insight and righteousness. The last line is completely unneccesary. The first three stanza deserve being worked on. The rest appears to be a reflection, not a poem at all.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/7:18 PM |
This does not hold up to your usual standard. The opening line just sounds boring. I am not missing the point.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jan-03/11:28 PM |
Too too many words. Edit the crap (literally) out of this.
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| Re: not even soup by <~> |
12-Jan-03/11:32 PM |
The las two lines have individual potential, but together it's obscure beyond recognition.
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| Re: not even soup by <~> |
13-Jan-03/12:07 AM |
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How does the title imply a soup kitchen? Being soupless.
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| Re: a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub |
13-Jan-03/8:46 AM |
Above the waist she's pretty, but she's got too much junk in her trunk. I think the main thing is the editing. I've read some very good things but they're drowning in butter, and I can't appreaciate the subtlities. Perhaps it is just a matter of taste.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jan-03/2:13 PM |
Fred, my dear dear Fred,
Daaark
Dark, and knowing it
knowing it all.
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| Re: Good to the Last Drop by Bonehiss |
14-Jan-03/4:03 PM |
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Hate the titled. Mrs. Folgers and all that. We share a word. Weren't you once some other name?
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| Re: insomnia by Bill Z Bub |
14-Jan-03/4:13 PM |
Our bodies shall meet over such a dish.
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| Re: Skin on My Soup by jessicazee |
14-Jan-03/11:04 PM |
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The trick is not to let it come to a boil. Neither soup, nor jello, nor gravy. Heat it through, but do not scald. You must stand at attendance, with the flame at low-medium. Then when the steam begins to rise from the rim, take it off the heat and cover. Perfect, I never have served an unsightly dish.
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| Re: Faith Poem by jess33 |
14-Jan-03/11:10 PM |
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The last stanzas a beauty. All in all I certainly understand. I get it, so for that a long withheld 10.
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| Re: alienheart by Bill Z Bub |
15-Jan-03/12:20 AM |
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| Re: Playing Jerry and crap by w~* ATHENA *~w |
15-Jan-03/12:36 AM |
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| Re: flight (a poem written in high school) by Bill Z Bub |
15-Jan-03/12:43 AM |
Quite fine. Did you ever get to fuck the Language Arts teacher. Were you scandalous? Too shy right, too stupid to make a move.
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| Re: Old Man by keatsImnot |
16-Jan-03/3:25 AM |
So we kicked the shit out of him and hit him hard in the head with our bong, man. Then the police came and said the dude was dead.
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