Re: the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub	16-Jan-03/8:35 AM
Get rid of 'at least I know...' Get rid of the midget, he got you going but doesn't fit in with this educated crowd of words. the poem starts at stanza 3-'Out by...' the last 3 lines are really wonderful. You need to concentrate between 'updraft...I had to take the train' .
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jan-03/1:22 AM
Such a lovely coincidence. "Striped and strung" oh yes, I am quite the masochist. I will print this, and place it neatly in my pocket, and when they find as limp as noodle, it will be their only clue.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jan-03/1:38 AM
and then the awkward dawn comes, alarming you like some stressed out mother, pulling apart the blinds with an unnecessary clamor, telling you you'rre late for school.
Re: Perversions 3: Payback by razorgrin	17-Jan-03/1:55 AM
It's not nice to show the war you're living inside.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jan-03/2:06 AM
You suck like sink-holes Like muck Pulling everything under. You're so good At saying absolutely nothing Keep yourself under observation Keep yourself stocked with your own prescriptions To keep you flying low.
Re: The Militarization of America by Quarton	20-Jan-03/2:47 PM
You're telling me, not showing me. Which turns important information into useless rhetoric. Our real strengthes? Give me some examples of what you've seen. 'A policy of guns for butter' you'd need more of these concrete examples. Make it more interesting, touch me.
Re: Epistemology (2nd draft) by Ranger	20-Jan-03/8:33 PM
ok here goes... The first line is half good, the first half. try to come up with a more interestng way of saying the rest. Is it important for the Greek to be sitting? If not just say the Greek.. Contemplating-- morality... Why do you put 'issues such as' in there? These are the things you need to eliminate, these terrible unnecessaries. They work for creating a character's personality, but since this is you talking, and your subject is complicated enough as it is, not to mention you're writing poetry, brevity is your friend. ...and what makes it do real... ...such as the sorts of... ...onto-should be 'to'... ...and what makes it so real(how about and it's reality')... Oh well got to go libraries closing. I'll get back to it later tonight. The point is you are learning to crawl, and that's ok. Pay attention to those writers you admire, copy their style for a while, your's will emerge.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jan-03/12:36 AM
Well well, here we go again, plagarizing ourselves. I guess it runs in the family. So this song is mine because I claim it as such. You write from some other time, you remind me of some other time.
Re: Matter Of Fact by wordontheverge	21-Jan-03/1:05 AM
Some fantastic lines. 'Turning into a...' is a wonderful line. this needs some editing but otherwise very touching.
Re: 2 weeks and a day by Bill Z Bub	21-Jan-03/2:59 PM
Last stanza first sentence, Jesus this is what i live for. "Roughed dewed" What the fuck does it mean I can't say, but my heart is in love with it. A good draft.
Re: Listen For Once by Sarahmarie	21-Jan-03/3:04 PM
Jesus Christ girl, slooow down, infact STOP, take a look. The mothers love you because you're just like them. The boys are tired of their moms, be some other thing. What the fuck do you care anyway? You carry the seed. Anyway your poem is bland and of low-intellect.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jan-03/3:14 PM
There are certain lines that teach me a great deal about writing and then there are words like'fain' which turn me off somehow. Overall I feel yu have much to bring to this or any other forum.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jan-03/3:56 PM
The last stanza is weak. 'Ruthless truth' on the other hand... I enjoyed reading this. I felt it.
Re: nothing, as today by <~>	21-Jan-03/4:03 PM
Fantastic. Minimal. Just what I was thinking the other day, only a lacked your articulance. Thank you.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jan-03/8:31 AM
Whoa cowboy, save some of the passion for the next time. Don't spend it all in one place. Is this a 'serious' poem, would you like it to be? It needs to be more sincere is all.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jan-03/3:19 PM
Virgin whore? Really? You mean you take it up the ass?
Re: In This Room by GregDeEgg	22-Jan-03/9:09 PM
Interesting. I like the pictures, there aren't enough around here. The sprite I don't like and the vinyl flames I don't understand. Very modern, very hip.
Re: The Corte de Bleu by GregDeEgg	22-Jan-03/9:12 PM
I lie your style a great deal, once again pictures galore. Thank you for showing and not telling. You write like a novelist.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jan-03/9:34 PM
Wow, this is not as good as the others, but the others are quite good. You just need to say something is all. This one is going nowhere, the others seem to be building towards something. There's no emotion in any of them which I enjoy because it leaves things open for the audience, but this one has no style.
Re: The Crutchling by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	22-Jan-03/9:46 PM
How can anyone deny your genius? You make me laugh so, and the high quality of your musings never ever slips, well actually soem of your little aids things weren't good enough. Probably because you didn't extrapolate(sp?).