Re: The Ladies and the Bum by Dovina	10-Jul-04/6:15 AM
try: "(I usually spend the night there)" "but strong to pull up her" is awkward, D. Is the lawn powerful enought to earn a capital? "if she leaves it unsecured" can go. Interesting stacato cadence - intentional?
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jul-04/6:17 AM
nice title. I'd rather see it left after "...can."; the rest is a chewey burrito of suspect ingredient.
Re: Bach by Rodavlas	10-Jul-04/7:19 PM
The rhymes aint too bad at all; unforced, and I was liking the sonnet-like structure - until the last line. that has to go, really does.
Re: Searching by dougsoderstrom	11-Jul-04/7:02 PM
This question of faith is unsolvable by definition - save yourself the trouble and just wait and see. When your heart stops sending blood to your human brain, you will know all you need to know.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Jul-04/7:38 AM
Apparently - there is a cure for poison ivy around here that is made from "sweet fern tea". (haven't tried it myself though)
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jul-04/6:23 AM
How's that whole "better man" thing workin for ya? God is watching, my friend - God is watching.
Re: Sacrament by Dovina	15-Jul-04/5:55 PM
Nice. not sure you need the first line of the last stanza. maybe add " always" after "She does it"
Re: I'll Make It Through by cuddlytiger17	16-Jul-04/7:03 PM
Very nice meter, though I'd re-touch the end of the first line of stanza two. The subject is "pimply", but I've seen a worse applications of it. If you're up to it, I'd notch the agony level down a bit, maybe with some images that either describe this feeling you want to convey, or something else. Or, as an intermediate fix, make the last stanza focus soley on the remedy while keeping the second to last as a transition from this agony to hope.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jul-04/7:25 PM
okay, I took a few translational liberties - sue me, it rhymes better this way :O)
Re: Respect on a Quiet Hillside by Dovina	26-Jul-04/6:10 AM
interesting location and motivation - no judgement implied; the poem stands out because of it.
Re: Bad animal limericks by INTRANSIT	26-Jul-04/7:54 AM
how sad. how very sad... :)
Re: Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus	27-Jul-04/3:28 AM
kill the refrain at least, I think - and "just", ghost line is very nice.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Jul-04/3:32 AM
I know the feeling. Baggage. ending cadence works well.
Re: A Forever Splintered Heart by MacFrantic	27-Jul-04/10:52 AM
this style always strikes me as little "list-like" as I have trouble with the line-to-line transitions. One gets the sense the lines exist solely to rhyme. the fourth ("Neon...") stanza works pretty well I think, no? A tough genre to break new ground with though.
Re: Brats by D. $ Fontera	27-Jul-04/11:00 AM
pretty catchy, really. I think the last stanza brings it down a notch though. What else might go there? a fun piece.
Re: Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT	27-Jul-04/11:08 AM
a good read. the sentence with the carbon dating is a bit bloody though - I think you could easily fix it up. Focusing more there on the stars' ability to inform Pomma of his mothers death might help that second part, too.
Re: The Annual January Thaw by Dovina	27-Jul-04/1:12 PM
I must be one of those embittered stoics. I remember hiking, not in January (May I think), when there was no snow at the bottom of the mountain so I wore hi-tops on a whim - mistake since I was soon tramping through snow... crappy snow. Good poem.
Re: Untitled. by SupremeDreamer	28-Jul-04/6:40 AM
probably the most aptly "untitled" titled poem I've seen. Maybe it re-states itself once or twice too much - but somehow, that seems appropriate.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Jul-04/5:58 AM
I wish it was worse, so I could be clever and say: "you need a poem" - there, I said it. But as it is, nice work. Maybe one extra line between "them?" and "Peck"? And too many ands?
Re: Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus	29-Jul-04/3:45 PM
Nicely done!