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Bach (Free verse) by Rodavlas
As the storm clouds reached the shore the winds blew deep within the floors. Rumbles and shakes, rattles and hums. I ran to the door looking for love. I ran to the door and found noone. The clouds drew closer. As I watched they came upon my door with the sounds of Bach. The trees bent away from the clouds as they grew to a size profound. I saw, in the midst of all the haste A picture of her with a tender face. Bluest eyes I could see with serenity and grace. As I was taken away by the winds, I realized that I had left without a trace.

Up the ladder: Loneliness

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 02
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.. 11
.. 10
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.. 10
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.. 00
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.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Weighted score: 5.4994626
Overall Rank: 2755
Posted: July 10, 2004 6:42 PM PDT; Last modified: July 10, 2004 6:42 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 10-Jul-04/7:19 PM | Reply
The rhymes aint too bad at all; unforced, and I was liking the sonnet-like structure - until the last line.

that has to go, really does.

[7] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 | 10-Jul-04/7:23 PM | Reply
Line 2 doesn't seem to jive with line 1, unless it's a gut feeling about Bach's music.

Line 5: no one.

Bach's music is quite mathematical in how it sounds, and doesn't usually call up a "tender face" or "serenity and grace."
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