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A Forever Splintered Heart (Free verse) by MacFrantic
Flaking off integrity from faces Sown with satisfaction Passing over life's infractions Living hour to hour Struck by Cupid's arrow under Observation so befitting Ugly love debunked by spitting Passions turning sour Unrelenting cries of desperation Laced with tortured sorrow Threatening our plans tomorrow Fraught with falling grace Neon sign above the door has given Less than it has gotten Sins of flesh and lovers rotten Flaws unmasked unspoken Forever splintered heart is often Fleeing to a destination Hazy reddened concentration Bleeding never broken

Up the ladder: Lie
Down the ladder: this tuesday morning

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 3.6666667
Weighted score: 4.8410625
Overall Rank: 10736
Posted: July 25, 2004 11:33 PM PDT; Last modified: July 25, 2004 11:33 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.52 | 27-Jul-04/10:52 AM | Reply
this style always strikes me as little "list-like" as I have trouble with the line-to-line transitions. One gets the sense the lines exist solely to rhyme.

the fourth ("Neon...") stanza works pretty well I think, no?

A tough genre to break new ground with though.

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