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Cranberry shoes (Prose Poem) by INTRANSIT
Phommasanh took off his clothes, came into the bathroom and promptly said that he'd never seen water so hot that it foamed. I chuckled and explained that he was taking his first bubble bath and convinced him to test the water himself. He dipped his hand and shot me a primary toothed smile. He got into the tub, I grabbed a washcloth, lathered it up, and began to wash the youth. The cloth quickly turned dark and Phommasanh became upset exclaiming that I was removing his pigment and that he didn't want to end up pale like me. I chuckled again and assured him that this was not the case. Then I gave him a quick synopsis of how carbon dating works and he proceeded to tell me how his mother explained that the stars told his people how old they were and how many lifetimes they had been through. I quietly smiled and started draining the tub. I turned on the shower, grabbed the handle and rinsed him off . I gave him a towel and told Phommasanh that his "new" clothes were in the bedroom. I went out to my small Chicago balcony and looked down at a group of youths, heavy with gold, talking next to their booming Mercedes. I wondered if I was doing the right thing as I looked to the quickly darkening sky. Then I wondered how long before the stars would tell Phommasanh that his mother had died on the flight to America. I went inside and flipped the television to the news. It seems sugar snap peas are experiencing a bumper crop this year. I'll take "Pomma" to the supermarket when he's dressed.

Up the ladder: Ongoing
Down the ladder: Return To Narnia

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.285714
Weighted score: 5.614723
Overall Rank: 2251
Posted: July 27, 2004 6:20 AM PDT; Last modified: July 27, 2004 10:06 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.205.80 | 27-Jul-04/9:42 AM | Reply
Bitter-sweet Laotian candy. Good prose.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.116.146 > Dan garcia-Black | 27-Jul-04/9:44 AM | Reply
Thank you sir. How did you get to Laos from here?
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.205.80 > INTRANSIT | 27-Jul-04/10:32 AM | Reply
Phommasanh is the name of an athlete from Laos.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.147 > Dan garcia-Black | 27-Jul-04/5:34 PM | Reply
My original idea involved Africa. I thought it too cliche. Damn Olympics. heh.
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.52 | 27-Jul-04/11:08 AM | Reply
a good read. the sentence with the carbon dating is a bit bloody though - I think you could easily fix it up.

Focusing more there on the stars' ability to inform Pomma of his mothers death might help that second part, too.
[9] Dovina @ 209.77.30.198 | 27-Jul-04/12:47 PM | Reply
The carbon dating thing throws me because it dates dead tissue, which is ok except that I wonder why you bring it up, except to compare it with what he was about to say regarding the stars. Otherwise a good read.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.147 > Dovina | 27-Jul-04/5:39 PM | Reply
Well Dovy, how long does it take human tissue, or a culture, to decompose? (ret)
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.147 > Dovina | 27-Jul-04/5:41 PM | Reply
thank you though.
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