| Re: Experimental Robot Questionaire by horus8 |
27-Oct-03/7:12 PM |
Reminds me of the turing test (which is very topical)
Have you poked around at the transcripts from the turing tests?
Fun - they come so close, then this happens:
bot: "I like to chat with my friends, what do you like to do?"
me: "martial arts"
bot: "ouch, that hurts, don't press the keys so hard!"
me: "cute - thats actually a clever response"
bot: "Now the real truth comes out. Go on"
[splat]
Thats an actual transcript.
http://www.surrey.ac.uk/dwrc/loebner/
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-03/4:26 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-03/9:03 AM |
Okay - this is close to something very good, but the articles, conjunctions and prepositions nearly outnumber everything else.
Really interrupts the flow of lovely imagery and a deeper concept, IMHO.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-03/12:15 PM |
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the sadness carries well here; a nice clean portrayal of a relateable emotion.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Oct-03/5:55 AM |
I like this aggravated lightness.
small nit: "distance" s/b "distant", although maybe you could do something with "long distance", dunno - might take away from the light-hearted jab of it.
nice job.
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| Re: As It Is by Miggy |
29-Oct-03/6:02 AM |
I think it could be something, but it needs a hook, my friend - needs a hook.
and that first line in the bridge - maybe a missing word in there; give it a read.
lastly - the bridge was a bit soon for me. Maybe develop the hookline in that second bit and move the bridge down - just as a suggestion.
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| Re: IM THE MASTER OF PARODY by Y2kSlamPoet |
29-Oct-03/6:03 AM |
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thanks for livening up the place.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Oct-03/6:06 AM |
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looking for poetry or prose - seen any lately?
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| Re: In black and white by INTRANSIT |
29-Oct-03/6:08 AM |
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I second the honorable mr. mage's proposal - lets storm the castle!!
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| Re: The Box by EouSou |
29-Oct-03/6:09 AM |
There is a new slant here that I find refreshing somehow - but I feel like there should be something more.
Intesting language - yess..... interesting....
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| Re: Belgium and rose tears by SupremeDreamer |
29-Oct-03/6:13 AM |
Nicely penned prose. Absotively.
Would be a nice bit within a short story, I'm sure.
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| Re: Tiddles Breathes his Last by scitz |
29-Oct-03/6:16 AM |
big points for universal appeal, I think the cat would just run away though.
(cuz I pictured it sitting on the tire)
now if the second line was
"against the alternator" . . . or someplace similar . . .
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| Re: The Director by Everyone |
29-Oct-03/7:52 AM |
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yep - he's a strange one. What is it with these chin grabbing poses!?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Oct-03/12:38 PM |
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I saw this episode - repeats already?
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| Re: Love Poem by josiefiend |
31-Oct-03/1:11 PM |
This has a heady density of language and a fantastic theme that is dying to be cultivated.
As it sits, it's quite memorable - but I think with some pruning (sorry for the cliche, but more showing instead of telling), and a stronger sense of Structure this thing would be exceptionally powerful.
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| Re: Kiss Me by josiefiend |
31-Oct-03/3:40 PM |
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eh. kind of grossed me out - all that blood and seared flesh.
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| Re: Thee of most shiny belt buckles by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
31-Oct-03/3:43 PM |
jest wait a cotton-pickin minute mister -
what the hell does wizard rhyme with?? Huh? Splain that.
the third one is very nice (just darling).
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Oct-03/7:45 PM |
I'm sorry - these overused telegraphed rhymes just don't work for me. Its almost a characature of a bad song. My face is all scrunched up trying to decode what an "upbeat sad song" is exactly.
You've got two tens so maybe i'm missing something - can my taste be that far off?
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| Re: Small made Large by tadpole |
31-Oct-03/7:56 PM |
Has a nice hooky first two stanzas, then the wandering begins.
By the end, it's vapor. A suit wearing a man - I really think its fixable though since there are some nice images in there.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Oct-03/8:23 PM |
I really like this bit,
"My beatrice, boots and hairflick,
hint of orange hung in the air"
but somehow I'm hearing fall imagery with apple trees and leaves - the orange - and I realize you prolly mean the color. Orange without the right context leaves me with a citrus flavor; distinctly floridian/summer - Looses me (umber, gold, copper maybe).
"the leaf in her step" line trips me up too, yet adds to the fall motif.
the thing that's gone in seconds - is that her beauty? With that unclear, the thing grown with the longing then shaped until stone (I associate bronze with forging, btw - maybe incorrectly).
So, there are a few things I personally like about it, ("apple-tree and spruce fences" is very nice too) - but the mixed metaphors, some verb usages (laid, leaf) hurt the rest.
Fine, have a contrast in elements, but give me a clear transition (preferably one that isnât parenthetical).
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