on mistaken in a glance by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:14 PM
yap. A break-up poem.
on some deleted poem
26 Mar 2004, 3:04 PM
just the beginning, I hope.
on loneliness untold by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:06 PM
yep. Its a breakup poem.
on fleeting thoughts by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:07 PM
yep. a "missing you" poem.
on a person by francis nor capule
26 Mar 2004, 3:07 PM
yep. its a love poem.
on some deleted poem
26 Mar 2004, 3:13 PM
Please tell me more of this "child support ending" you speak of - can it be true??
Not as poetic as your usual fair, ~12. Cathartic?
I'll give it an 8 cuz it doesn't suck.
Not as poetic as your usual fair, ~12. Cathartic?
I'll give it an 8 cuz it doesn't suck.
on The Unknown Soldier by abcmonkey78
26 Mar 2004, 7:52 AM
not bad, monkey. the longer lines help the AA BB rhymes which can easily be tiresome.
Maybe you can do something with this line
"And all the more I think about it, fear disgruntles breath"
and the last couplet, too. What's there is an example of a mixed metaphor - you have all this infantry imagery, then in comes the navy. Know what I mean? Don't run out of steam at the end!!
lastly, I won't second guess all your semicolons, since I'm pretty lenient with them, but I raised an eyebrow at a few.
Maybe you can do something with this line
"And all the more I think about it, fear disgruntles breath"
and the last couplet, too. What's there is an example of a mixed metaphor - you have all this infantry imagery, then in comes the navy. Know what I mean? Don't run out of steam at the end!!
lastly, I won't second guess all your semicolons, since I'm pretty lenient with them, but I raised an eyebrow at a few.
on some deleted poem
27 Mar 2004, 5:52 AM
its a... ah..
experimental battery-powered unfathomably that_transforms_into which_can_be_used_to_repel lobster duster spoon attack-buttock-infested offal essence.
-10-
experimental battery-powered unfathomably that_transforms_into which_can_be_used_to_repel lobster duster spoon attack-buttock-infested offal essence.
-10-
on hidden by the indign
27 Mar 2004, 11:22 AM
I think this is a bit longer than it needs to be to express the sentiment.
Which, I have to admit, is a bit difficult to ascertain.
Gonna need some punch - best done in a smaller space.
Which, I have to admit, is a bit difficult to ascertain.
Gonna need some punch - best done in a smaller space.
on some deleted poem
27 Mar 2004, 11:23 AM
I think I've heard this guy.
on Disaster in Disguise by Miggy
28 Mar 2004, 6:00 AM
But now that I[ve] opened them
I dunno mig - its true that the rhymes are typically simple for a popoular song, but I feel like some of these exist just for the sake of rhyme.
What's this one about?
I dunno mig - its true that the rhymes are typically simple for a popoular song, but I feel like some of these exist just for the sake of rhyme.
What's this one about?
on A Garden Wall by somemorepoetry
28 Mar 2004, 6:03 AM
Sure.
on some deleted poem
28 Mar 2004, 6:04 AM
yeah... um.
no.
no.
on some deleted poem
28 Mar 2004, 6:07 AM
It does a fair job of managing the cadence, and consistent too.
Interesting languange. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this one.
Interesting languange. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this one.
on some deleted poem
28 Mar 2004, 6:08 AM
Nice, H. Works real well.
"And little things made me glad."
"And little things made me glad."
on some deleted poem
28 Mar 2004, 6:11 AM
Its a pretty interesting idea in there, and it evolves well in the first two stanzas. I think the last half of the last bludgeons the point a bit though - _especially_ with it being in first person.
on Checkmate by purplewalrus
28 Mar 2004, 6:13 AM
Not feeling this one - leaves me with half my face scrunched up.
on Horny Hornswoggling by purplewalrus
28 Mar 2004, 6:19 AM
"And present a number of social agenda"
despite the possibility that it could be grammatically correct - this should be remade in such a way so that it doesn't raise the question.
Laced with interesting political language but I can't get past that it says, overal, "despite our potential, we suck" - that's what I get out of it anyway.
Maybe this would appeal to a campus audience more (I did like it better than the last one, though).
despite the possibility that it could be grammatically correct - this should be remade in such a way so that it doesn't raise the question.
Laced with interesting political language but I can't get past that it says, overal, "despite our potential, we suck" - that's what I get out of it anyway.
Maybe this would appeal to a campus audience more (I did like it better than the last one, though).