regarding some deleted poem...	21-Sep-03/11:20 PM
Perhaps the title? "Golden Court of the Stone Dowager" perhaps. Are the ghosts really the focus or is it more of the emotion of being in the place itself? But there's something about this poem that makes me care a great deal about its title, that's for sure. Lovely.
Re: Untitled (A Dark Angel Litmus) by Geschäftsreise	22-Sep-03/12:10 AM
[X] AABB rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [X] About writing [X] About suicide or self-mutilation [X] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Autobiographical but in the third person [X] Clerical errors [X] Clichéd imagery (gazing out of window, pits of despair) [X] Clichéd rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [X] 'Depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness) [X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments ******[_] Devoid of rhyme [X] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices ******[_] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [X] Drug reference [X] Elves, unicorns, etc. [X] Insipidly whimsical or zany [X] Internet shorthand or emoticons [X] Leaving rant [X] Lower case [X] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [X] Naively religious or superstitious [X] Obsessed with femininity [X] Overabundance of ellipses [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [X] Rage against the machine [X] Reference to the author's 'social life' [X] Repetition of a word or phrase to the point of nausea [X] Sanctimonious [X] Self-obsessed [X] Sentimental [X] Smugly-named protagonist [X] Thesaurophilia [X] Untitled [X] Vicarious wish fulfilment
Re: pocketful of laden activity by A. Nomaly	22-Sep-03/11:58 PM
A changeling of meaning given shelter for confession
Re: My Friend Burgers by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	23-Sep-03/12:00 AM
My friend Burgers. Don't know how, but my arm twitched and clicked on a 7 involuntarily.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Sep-03/4:36 PM
I think the last line is very interesting. Normally you deserve something 'from' someone, but the way it's written you are deserving something 'to' someone. I think it says a lot about the subjectivity of entitlement. Nice line. Now on the subject of entitlement... Part of poetry is criticism. Please recognize that this criticism is meant to help you. I understand that you are angry because of how people treat you on this site. What I want to do is translate their attacks into something resembling meaningful criticism. Your poetry will represent America in this analogy. Think about 9-11. Some people attack America. Some people think we deserve to be attacked. Other people think we didn't deserve it, but they understand why it happened. Other people think anyone who attacks America is evil. Why do you think we got attacked on 9-11, Brit? Is it because they're evil? Is it because they hate life and freedom? Is it because they are religious muslimaniacs? I would suggest that America's sense of entitlement has a lot to do with the ill feelings that people have for us. This entitlement is born of our privileged lives and growing up with the promise of more privilege to come (and sometimes our own frustration with never fully realizing the pinnacle of privelege we are told is meant for us). I would say that this is the same reason you are being attacked. From your words here it is clear that you feel like you inherently deserve something from people. You attack an entire web site for the remarks of a few. Do you really want to be like George W. Bush: countering violence with hostility? You reveal nothing of your humility, if it exists. If poetry truly is just something you want to do to be happy, then ignore the attacks and be happy. You are completely in control of your emotions. Does it make you happy to write rants? Does it make you happy to foment ill will towards yourself by writing and publishing something intended to insult an entire group of people? Are you really interested in being happy? Think on it. Much of life and acceptance is either humility or genius, and the truly great achieve both - as well as living the reality that happiness comes completely from within.
Re: this meal was knowledge by nentwined	23-Sep-03/6:08 PM
You rung my bells. Good. I would come up with a more repugnantly digestive phrase for 'rendered moot'. Also I would delete the 'food for some other living entity' line. Some buffing here and there and I would be proud to call it my baby. We do grow some good shit here every now and then, though, you have to admit.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Sep-03/6:10 PM
Enjoyable to read aloud. Thanks.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Sep-03/11:03 PM
Uncharacteristically brief. I would say almost too brief and not as descriptive (or forthright for that matter) as you usually are. What is the thought behind this one? An appreciation for 'passive action' for lack of a better phrase? Light falling, webs forming, mould growing. The thriving life of the derelict?
Re: Alone With Memories by Mona Lisa	23-Sep-03/11:11 PM
Went in grey and came out shiny black. Yum! (you even spelled 'grey'in the Geschäftsreise approved manner!) Lovely. I would change the title, though, to 'Went Out Shiny Black' or something. The poem is much more about him than you, and the title doesn't show it, I think. Perhaps you need to write a separate poem about how this made you feel and name that poem 'Alone With Memories'.
Re: Brighton Beach by Caducus	24-Sep-03/10:14 AM
Wide fingered to pretend parents. Tasty. (I hate that place)
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Sep-03/11:51 AM
The one
Re: Ctrl freak (Alt+ version) by <~>	26-Sep-03/12:09 AM
Alt+l+w+l/Ctl+v me there. Sounds like a nice place. Puppet here, puppet there - no difference to me.
Re: body image by http://mulberryfairy	29-Sep-03/2:28 PM
Well played. This poem made me think: There is the classical approach where fine physique and its attainment are considered virtues - the work itself and the struggle are not masochism but something to be enjoyed. Then there is the reluctant, desperate, reactionary, and poisonous pursuit of perfection that our society is seen to espouse. What allowed the ancients to pursue this in a completely healthy way while it eats away at us? Or maybe they felt just as lacking as we do, and it is only historians, who seeing images of physical beauty, ascribe to them a sublime sense of the aesthetics of athleticism.
Re: ٠صادر فلسطينية أن الاحتلال by Wobble McFly	13-Oct-03/4:26 PM
Difficult to translate. Almost as difficult as the situation itself. But I understand where you're coming from.
Re: The Pedagogue and his son by SupremeDreamer	13-Oct-03/9:03 PM
Hopefully your dad will correct your spelling. In your dreams that is. ;) - it's "c'est la vie" (to be pedagogical)
Re: Battle of the brains by INTRANSIT	15-Oct-03/10:05 AM
nice
Re: Go On a Business Trip by abecedarian	22-Oct-03/5:15 PM
Hmmm. I think the pressed shirt imagery is enabling a more literal read than I intended. 'To what business may lead to know thyself, go on a business trip'. This poem is meant as the aquisition/appropriation of a tidy concept with the subsequent fragmentation and repackaging into a marketable value added product.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/3:18 PM
I think god'swife is a sour bitch most of the time and I also think the 2 is underserved (but so are many anonymous blues).
Re: African Killer Bees, it's not the smell of smoke by <{Baba^Yaga}>	23-Oct-03/6:33 PM
The poem was interesting, but the dialogue in the comments wins a medal
Re: paint me a poem with pictures by nentwined	9-Nov-03/8:47 PM
Oh poet! You are my eyes' mind what cannot see but to think.