Free verse № 66432
Untitled (A Dark Angel Litmus)
'hello, my name is...' cock ramsey
and the love I feel for you
just canât be true
i cannot write another word
but feel ensured
that this life is one step closer to death
Just a breath
AA A
Bbreath B
CCloser C
to
Ddeath D
he looks at you with care
and doesnât dare
tell you that your [sic] gorgeousâ¦
because heâs poor; justâ¦
a vagabondâ¦
in a pit of despairâ¦
with nowhereâ¦
to goâ¦
it impossible to get a perfect score
on DAâs comments (what a whore)
itâs impossible not to rhyme
and have aabb all the time
if I had just one wishâ¦
a damascene fishâ¦
a methadone danishâ¦
a stylish swedish monishâ¦
where would I go without you?
the man wonât let me near youâ¦
my friends canât stand to see youâ¦
a unicornâs lifeâ¦
oh, the strifeâ¦
of my lifeâ¦
âoh these little earthquakes
here we go again
oh these little earthquakes
doesn't take much to rip us into piecesâ
i put my faith in Godâ¦
and his righteous rodâ¦
because he knows what is best
above all the rest
love⦠you wouldnât understand it like I do
love⦠you couldnât appreciate it like I do
love⦠you shoudnât claim to feel it as deeply as I do
love⦠only women truly understand it
because the power of women is strong
stronger than the power of hate
stronger than time
stronger than memories
stronger than poemranker
which sucks anyway
and that is why I am leaving
because no one ever cares
or responds to the poems that I think are
really really very very good
you all suck
;) jk lol
i think iâll look back on these days and yearn deeply for them
when I am old
and more sentimental than i am now
but not today
perfect minus one or two
a wonderful playground of fun:
for the
entire
cock ramsey
pantheon
17 comments
[X] About romantic love
[X] About writing
[X] About suicide or self-mutilation
[X] Arbitrary indentation
[X] Arbitrary line breaks
[X] Autobiographical but in the third person
[X] Clerical errors
[X] Clichéd imagery (gazing out of window, pits of despair)
[X] Clichéd rhymes (love/above, heart/apart)
[X] 'Depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness)
[X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
******[_] Devoid of rhyme
[X] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
******[_] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery
[X] Drug reference
[X] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[X] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[X] Internet shorthand or emoticons
[X] Leaving rant
[X] Lower case
[X] 'Lyrics'
[X] Melodramatic
[X] Naively religious or superstitious
[X] Obsessed with femininity
[X] Overabundance of ellipses
[X] Pointedly unanswered questions
[X] Rage against the machine
[X] Reference to the author's 'social life'
[X] Repetition of a word or phrase to the point of nausea
[X] Sanctimonious
[X] Self-obsessed
[X] Sentimental
[X] Smugly-named protagonist
[X] Thesaurophilia
[X] Untitled
[X] Vicarious wish fulfilment
Ah--did you fudge a few marks you profess to hit? Where's the suicide or self mutilation, hmm? You fall a little short in the self-referential/reverential overuse of "I" (although I suppose--wait, really really very very good works, nebbermind). I don't know whether to give you a 10 or a zero--which would you prefer?
A poem should be wordless
As the flight of birds.<<
Good resource re: rhymes here: http://www.public.asu.edu/%7eaarios/form
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