on salt and celibacy by calliope
15 Oct 2003, 3:20 PM
i like how it feels in my mouth.
on some deleted poem
14 Sep 2003, 8:00 PM
Some of this makes me think of you talking about your brother: "how to work/when your face is before me?" and"The quiet mirrored in your face". This seems less crafted, less chosen than most of what i've seen, with the exception of "scratchy..."
Some of it also feels like an echo (Hamlet quote!), or echos itself, but that can't be helped in a collection of vignettes.
It is refreshing, i did enjoy the show.
Some of it also feels like an echo (Hamlet quote!), or echos itself, but that can't be helped in a collection of vignettes.
It is refreshing, i did enjoy the show.
on some deleted poem
14 Sep 2003, 8:06 PM
i find the message very important, and very resonant, but i miss the...umm...the word i'm looking for is not exactly mysticism, but maybe the...ambiguousness of your other poems? "Pinochet himself reveals the public to him"--i found that chilling, though.
on some deleted poem
14 Sep 2003, 8:10 PM
Here i am, as promised. After reading everything else you've written, this seems very formal.
i enjoy the Shakespearean-ness of it all, and it's very well planned, but somehow it doesn't speak as much to me as some of your "Notes" did.
Maybe today's just not my day for deliberate :)
i enjoy the Shakespearean-ness of it all, and it's very well planned, but somehow it doesn't speak as much to me as some of your "Notes" did.
Maybe today's just not my day for deliberate :)
on Vest by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
6 Sep 2003, 11:18 AM
It's a big good laugh :)
on some deleted poem
6 Sep 2003, 11:19 AM
i like this because it made me squirm.
on justly now included by A. Nomaly
1 Sep 2003, 11:00 PM
for some reason, i love love the fact that the spanish rhymes so well. Nicely done.
on Burning your desert down by Jeremi B. Handrinos
30 Aug 2003, 3:22 PM
the second stanza, with the "none to see" didn't fit in my head, but the imagery is beautiful. the idea is beautiful.
on some deleted poem
30 Aug 2003, 3:25 PM
If i were to be picky (which i have to right to be, i'd take out the oops, it sort of demeans what you're trying to say. Other than that, :)
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2003, 11:19 PM
This is the most personal of your poems i've seen--again, i'm always curious of your circumstances when you're writing....
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2003, 11:53 AM
Honest but thoughtful. Or should that be honest and thoughtful? i like the additions in parentheses.
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2003, 11:54 AM
i love this one, only--who is it about? A news story? It's frightening, in a way. Or at least spooky.
on midnight, on a weekday by peaceseeker
13 Aug 2003, 5:42 AM
i enojoy the amount of anxiety and the kind of tumbling of words that seems to come from having no breaks.
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2003, 5:44 AM
i would find this clicheed, except that you used the word "Ironadoxical" (made up, more correctly, i suppose :)), and just the general fact that you use your words well.
on Molecular Parasitology Nerdcore Rap by Retaliate
13 Aug 2003, 5:45 AM
Ha! i like it, if only because i'm still laughing.
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2003, 5:47 AM
It's the shape of the poem that i like...
on some deleted poem
8 Oct 2003, 10:05 PM
Being terrible at art (me) and enjoying your style gives this a 9 for rhyme!
on some deleted poem
8 Oct 2003, 10:09 PM
This feels very real, makes me envy the upbringing of your son. But why does every one of your poems have poop or pee in it?
on some deleted poem
9 Oct 2003, 7:30 AM
Your mention of the shadow (as has been mentioned) is very effective, but for some reason, i wasn't as fond of your description of the eyes. It seemed too clicheed. Other than that, though, i liked it very much.
on Horus's Musical Instrument of Torment by Y2kSlamPoet
9 Oct 2003, 7:32 AM
Yes!Egyptian Mythology! Although it's probably about something else! Yes!