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midnight, on a weekday (Free verse) by peaceseeker
humidity and rain a sticky combination like flames of passion inextinguishable no matter how hard it rains, the fire burns on and on, the rhythmic pitter-pattering on my body, inside, I smoke, water resistant to your proposals to enter me and live your desire for a baby is transparent in an instant I see your unmet infantile desires in your eyes, in your demeanor projected onto me, just because I won't and you said you only wanted a mattress pump I know you lie to get inside I set you up in my back hallway went inside my space capsule trying to ignore the pounding on my door.

Up the ladder: Both Of me
Down the ladder: The Beginning of the End

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8559
Posted: August 12, 2003 1:56 PM PDT; Last modified: October 2, 2004 12:24 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.145.161 | 12-Aug-03/7:55 PM | Reply
I liked this part "I smoke, water resistant
to your proposals to enter me and live
your desire for a baby is transparent"
but think it could use some punctuation or a line break (contrary to my last comment on your other poem) to make these (and others) distinct, separate phrases.
[7] Patsy @ 24.79.239.114 | 13-Aug-03/5:42 AM | Reply
i enojoy the amount of anxiety and the kind of tumbling of words that seems to come from having no breaks.
[7] myles @ 194.165.161.16 | 3-Oct-04/4:44 PM | Reply
Nice. Isn't it scary, for women: to think that at the core of each man is the desire to dominate and manipulate women, and for men: to realise that beneath all the things we tell ourselves about love, respect and art, is an animal trying to become alpha male.
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