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Burning your desert down (Free verse) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
"Burn desert down" Said boy little Outside from mouth Outsiding love Outside of head, and explosion of colours for none to see All of this sand moving towards, away over things alive and dead. An old man in an El Camino that has just come down the mountain asks, "Are you all alone master?". I nod, and look towards where my father waivered out more than a day ago. "You are not alone son, look at all of those tarantula holes". Why he thought that funny is why I did not laugh. He had it outside too, and man, I mean good. The day the desert burnt down.


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Arithmetic Mean: 7.714286
Weighted score: 6.984302
Overall Rank: 269
Posted: August 30, 2003 1:41 PM PDT; Last modified: August 30, 2003 1:41 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Bill Z Bub @ 24.43.48.67 | 30-Aug-03/1:45 PM | Reply
I am offended by the use of the term "tarantula holes". Remove it immediately. __________8.3
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 > Bill Z Bub | 30-Aug-03/1:45 PM | Reply
lol.
[8] Patsy @ 24.79.239.114 | 30-Aug-03/3:22 PM | Reply
the second stanza, with the "none to see" didn't fit in my head, but the imagery is beautiful. the idea is beautiful.
[9] SupremeDreamer @ 69.19.182.189 | 30-Aug-03/9:21 PM | Reply
hrmm.. heh. 9.
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