| Re: Vest by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
6-Sep-03/4:38 AM |
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Hmm. Not as good as the last one. But references to tall hills are to be encouraged.
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| Re: Where are my Spectacles? by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
6-Sep-03/4:37 AM |
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Sardonic brilliance. But surely the correct word is 'cheseemonger', not 'cheesesmith'? I hate it when I drop my glasses and I can't see them because my eyesight is shit.
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| Re: Ohio's Dirty Natives by Fear of Garbage |
1-Sep-03/5:56 AM |
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I really like parts of this. I've never been to Ohio, but it sounds interesting. It's good to see people attempting social commentary, particularly in such an obtuse way. The second verse, which is more about the narrator, isn't as striking as the first.
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| Re: Why Stay? by LuckyJoe |
1-Sep-03/5:51 AM |
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Interesting. Are the numerous grammatical errors an attempt at capturing the mindset of an inarticulate character, or can you just not type properly. I like the rousing ending.
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| Re: Mercury by david |
28-Aug-03/2:46 AM |
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| Re: a comment on My Back Fat by charlie busted |
26-Aug-03/3:41 AM |
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I apologise if that came out a bit strong. I've been having a bad morning.
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| Re: My Back Fat by charlie busted |
26-Aug-03/3:34 AM |
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This is fucking awful. And I hate busted. Especially the tall one. They should be put in a maximum security prison where they will be forced to sleep with the light on every night of their lives.
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| Re: a comment on Cycling to the Library by Nicholas Jones |
14-Aug-03/4:06 AM |
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That is a very cool way to assasinate somebody. I will check my brakes before I cycle home, although it's basically uphill all the way. My house is at the top of a big hill, the university nearer the bottom. But I don't think that happens in North by Northwest, that has the famous crop-spraying plane chasing the guy in the field scene and the climax on Mount Rushmore. It sounds more like an episode of Last of the Summer Wine to me.
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| Re: drought on talkin river by richa |
14-Aug-03/3:52 AM |
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I like this a lot, there's a pleasing lyricism about it and yet the drought suggests a hint of evil beneath the surface. The final image of the gospel is powerful, suggesting the importance of light in the creation of the earth.
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| Re: *******Perfect***** by Mona Lisa |
14-Aug-03/3:47 AM |
This is a pretty, but essentially vapid haiku. Which the fate of most haiku writers, unfortunately. But it flows nicely and works well.
By the way, I've never been to Cirencester, but the name makes it sound a most beguiling place.
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| Re: a comment on Dialogism by Nicholas Jones |
14-Aug-03/3:39 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Dialogism by Nicholas Jones |
14-Aug-03/3:39 AM |
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Thnak you for your very nice comments. I'm glad you like it, and I agree the key to a good sonnet is for the sentences to flow over the lines. As for the extra beats, yes, guilty as charged. I'm not certain it matters all that much, I'm not a stickler for the rules. And the couplet sort of rhymes, in a very vague way. I'd rather have a half-rhyme at the end than a full rhyme that feels forced.
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| Re: Happiness & Old Age by Caducus |
11-Aug-03/3:19 AM |
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Gravy is beautiful. I make it out of a packet, but it ain't the same.
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| Re: Happiness & Old Age by Caducus |
11-Aug-03/3:19 AM |
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Gravy is beautiful. I make it out of a packet, but it ain't the same.
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| Re: a comment on WHY IS THE MEDIA SO LONDON-CENTRIC? Written last Tuesday by Nicholas Jones |
11-Aug-03/3:17 AM |
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It just pisses me off all the media is based in London. Apart from The Scotsman and the Western Mail, which are both shit. Oh, and Mark and Lard broadcast from Manchester, which is pretty cool. One day I'll get round to a poetic tribute to them.
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| Re: On Haiku by heart |
11-Aug-03/2:26 AM |
Surely you could have an iambic haiku (although not one in nice Shakespearean pentameters). Well, sort of. It could go like this:
Life is to short to
burn our boats. We sit and dream
of moats and views and.
Problem is you have an odd number of syllables, so you're always going to have an uncompleted foot at the end. Note this example uses only words of one syllable.
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| Re: Pilgrimage by Christof |
11-Aug-03/2:21 AM |
Very atmospheric. I guess the movement from a bridlepath to a TV represents a move from nature to mechanisation, from reality to depiction.
Something about the rhythm makes me expect some more rhyming, which doesn't come, thus confounding my expectations. Which is an excellent thing to do.
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| Re: a comment on Midsummer, almost by Nicholas Jones |
24-Jun-03/5:08 AM |
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Hmm, maybe your last line is better. A collaborative effort. Incidentally, my faltmate who has just moved out really did leave behind a telescope for looking at stars, but I think it's missing something important, like a lens or whatever. And it doesn't get dark until about half past ten in this midsummer season on our small island in northern Europe.
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| Re: Theology by dougsoderstrom |
20-Jun-03/6:56 AM |
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Doug, come back. This reminds me a little in style of the mighty Hugh MacDiarmid, although not in content (he was a militant communist). It is a densely packed, intelligent poem, desperately striving against its own limitations to find salvation. Needs more work, but well done.
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| Re: Final Comment by dougsoderstrom |
20-Jun-03/6:50 AM |
Don't go, Doug. We need more people like you on this site who take things seriously, not less. And your George Bush limericks were excellent.
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