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Dialogism (Sonnet) by Nicholas Jones People endure, explain ourselves through pain -
strong structures mean that we can thus construct
a niche just for one mind. You walked in rain
to prove you would, when I myself was tucked
in a bed of warmth with softness over me
and cocoa by my side. For I am cursed
by my own failings - mediocrity
is me, while you are always well immersed
in all you are. But I have no deeper mind,
no crises or delight, while you amaze
me with your long conflict toward such finds.
All this I do admire, but my mind says:
As to such as you belongs the modern world
Profundity eludes me, but is my goal.
Up the ladder:
Sofia
Down the ladder:
< A Perfect Faith >
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.111111
Posted: August 11, 2003 2:12 AM PDT; Last modified: August 11, 2003 2:12 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.0555553 Overall Rank: 1193 Comments:
[10]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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11-Aug-03/11:46 AM
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Reply
Probably one of the best Sonnets on Poemranker, and, as always, very intelligent and observant.
[n/a]
Nicholas Jones @ 137.44.1.200
> horus8
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14-Aug-03/3:39 AM
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Reply
You're too kind, Mr.8.
Good sonnet--love how the rhymes are not obvious because you didn't make the mistake of end-stopping each line. You seem to gain an extra beat in lines 5 and 9 (9 is easily fixed if you make it deep instead of deeper). How come you didn't rhyme the couplet?
Re: Arkansas, I was only there once, backpacking--it's a beautiful state (they call it the Natural State), so if you like hiking, there are some great trails (both for dayhiking and extended treks). Other than that, I'm not sure. I think you'll find that Southerners are generally pretty friendly--that's been my experience, at least.
Thnak you for your very nice comments. I'm glad you like it, and I agree the key to a good sonnet is for the sentences to flow over the lines. As for the extra beats, yes, guilty as charged. I'm not certain it matters all that much, I'm not a stickler for the rules. And the couplet sort of rhymes, in a very vague way. I'd rather have a half-rhyme at the end than a full rhyme that feels forced.
Zuper.
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