DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Why Stay?

Member since 2003 · Posted 30 Aug 2003 · Edited 10 Sep 2003 · 8 comments

Entombed in an icy grave, Through the frozen crystal, Looking up into the void sky, Breath shallow wishing to die, Encased emotion due to devotion, Worry no longer of her pain, It is her who drives you insane.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7664 views 141 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

8 comments

[5] deleted user 31-Aug-03/2:10 PM Reply

so I remain stuck here with you is better than "so stuck here with you I remain." even if it doesn't make a rhyme.

But don't listen to me, I'm a hack..or less.

[6] Nicholas Jones 1-Sep-03/5:51 AM Reply

Interesting. Are the numerous grammatical errors an attempt at capturing the mindset of an inarticulate character, or can you just not type properly. I like the rousing ending.

[n/a] LuckyJoe › Nicholas Jones 1-Sep-03/12:53 PM Reply

I just can't type :)

[6] SupremeDreamer 4-Sep-03/6:22 PM Reply

ok, that mouse/house rhyme was one bad way to end this.

[n/a] LuckyJoe › SupremeDreamer 5-Sep-03/8:03 AM Reply

Indeed it was. Not sure what I was thinking. I'm reading it all over now... and see many reasons not to end it like that. Why is there still a door jam to go under if the walls have fallen down. If someone is caged, chained, in a prison of some sort why is there a door jam near them.
Thanks for pointing that out..made me look at it and see what was wrong.

[6] SupremeDreamer 10-Sep-03/6:47 AM Reply

hrmm "icey tomb".. now.. where have i heard that one before?

heh, heres a 6.

[n/a] LuckyJoe › SupremeDreamer 10-Sep-03/9:37 AM Reply

Can't say I remember it being in any of my other work. Where have you heard it before?

[6] SupremeDreamer › LuckyJoe 10-Sep-03/10:06 AM Reply

tomb/grave same thing.
"wishing to die"
"drives you insane".... etc. you were saying?