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Why Stay? (Free verse) by LuckyJoe Entombed in an icy grave,
Through the frozen crystal,
Looking up into the void sky,
Breath shallow wishing to die,
Encased emotion due to devotion,
Worry no longer of her pain,
It is her who drives you insane.
Up the ladder:
Voltaic Buss
Down the ladder:
Restraint
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: August 30, 2003 7:06 AM PDT; Last modified: September 10, 2003 6:19 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7672 Comments:
Interesting. Are the numerous grammatical errors an attempt at capturing the mindset of an inarticulate character, or can you just not type properly. I like the rousing ending.
I just can't type :)
ok, that mouse/house rhyme was one bad way to end this.
Indeed it was. Not sure what I was thinking. I'm reading it all over now... and see many reasons not to end it like that. Why is there still a door jam to go under if the walls have fallen down. If someone is caged, chained, in a prison of some sort why is there a door jam near them.
Thanks for pointing that out..made me look at it and see what was wrong.
hrmm "icey tomb".. now.. where have i heard that one before?
heh, heres a 6.
Can't say I remember it being in any of my other work. Where have you heard it before?
tomb/grave same thing.
"wishing to die" "drives you insane".... etc. you were saying? 141 view(s)
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But don't listen to me, I'm a hack..or less.