Re: Broken by Irischer Junge	2-Sep-03/9:15 AM
we are always dying. from the moment we are born, from the very first intake into our lungs, we begin to count out the time until we cease to draw air.
Re: Idle by Irischer Junge	2-Sep-03/9:16 AM
maybe she has gone to her reward?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Sep-03/9:23 AM
pretty.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Sep-03/9:26 AM
painful, but too close to the bone to make a poem, dan.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Sep-03/11:52 AM
you put the line 'make me wetter' in a poem about jesus?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Sep-03/11:55 AM
crystal--it's lost its potential if it is floating around in the bath. i'm not trying to be rude, or cruel. it's just that you seem to lose sight of what's real through those rose colored glasses you wear. is it my lack of faith that makes me read everything on here with a jaded eye? no, i think it's that it's been a long time since i've been as innocent as you.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Sep-03/6:17 PM
indeed you did not. but it was nicely rendered. i won't vote, because we have no "transaltion" category, and this work is not your own.
Re: The Banishment of Don Quixote by abecedarian	2-Sep-03/7:05 PM
what has changed?
Re: The empty room by INTRANSIT	2-Sep-03/7:10 PM
but you came? and i agree with hh about the inversion.
Re: The Banishment of Don Quixote by abecedarian	3-Sep-03/11:06 AM
this line that you love so well is flawed: as the pen, dragged too deep i' the page in passion i' and in are the same? how's: as the pen, heavy with passion, dragged too deep i' the page, gouged it, destroying the subsatntive beauty therein.
Re: Curiously here by philthegreek	4-Sep-03/8:41 AM
this has a nice start, but ye gods! all the extra words! can glean away some of the little words, to make it cut with a sharper edge? and, the ending feels like a bit of a cop-out after that details you gave at first. this has a lot of potential, especially since you have grasped the idea that specific details make a poem real.
Re: The Last Day Of Christ by Mr Pig	4-Sep-03/9:03 AM
all right pig. first, it's a good idea. i agree that you don't need baptized--that was john's gig anyway. no apos. in pilums, please, and the spelling you were looking for is "chalice" not: chal·lis - n. A soft, lightweight, usually printed fabric made of wool, cotton, or rayon. i think you also meant 'covering' not coveting. christ was never a coveter. i don't think that the 'consumed by judas' line is working. the way you have the hammer blows is awkward. hammers strike blows, but only the wind and your favorite girlfriend actually 'blow'. also, there were be no dew, at noon, the traditional hour of crucifixion. carpentr dying on wood--very nice. uttering his final words to the four winds--very pagan notion. did you mean it to be so? heaven and earth would be more of a christian reference. judas belches from consumption? TB? resurrection is generally associated with dawn, not sunset, and i think you will need to work this line a little harder to convince me that you meant the irony. whew. all in all, lots of good ideas that don't dive into cliche. just needs a tune up. no vote until then, pig.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Sep-03/9:07 AM
wow, all that scarlet and crimson! hard not to get cliched, here, especially when talking about passion, the heart. actually, i like the way you used fluid to describe her body. i can easily picture her seductive movements. but i think you should play up on that and instead of 'peaks' use another water metaphor, for consistency. that's my $.o2.
Re: none by tadpole	4-Sep-03/9:09 AM
this is only an intro. and richa is right--it is devoid of any specifics, any individuality.
Re: Bury Me at Dead Man's Point by EAger to Offend	4-Sep-03/9:21 AM
cool.
Re: R.O.X. by InvertedEar	4-Sep-03/9:22 AM
do you want a comma in s4, after beneath? nice job, here.
Re: Alien Abduction by LuckyJoe	4-Sep-03/9:28 AM
this could be half, and more effectively so.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Sep-03/9:29 AM
irascible, and tempting.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Sep-03/9:32 AM
garn.
Re: missing time (revised) by Bill Z Bub	6-Sep-03/8:47 PM
honed.