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missing time (revised) (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub
I awake with premonition. panicked hand skids for paperscrap to record the last moments of this dream of missing time. my bare wrist crossed with hers faded blanket bunched arm jackknifed round the front pale fingers placed like the careful arrangement of a Japanese print as she breathes through chapped lips so perfect. tender lids darkened, in sleep. you seem new. I want to touch with one finger the soft swell under your chin when you've lost all rigidity no more angles of attack with your ear to the pillow. cold wind from the window streams down the wall and in the madness of morning someone's cat jabs her black paws through a gap in the door. can I peel away day to lay bare the clutched core? there's no time there's no time. you're driving home today. I blink twice and you're gone. in my head like a song.

Up the ladder: My Single Hatred

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Weighted score: 5.4034123
Overall Rank: 3072
Posted: August 17, 2003 3:28 PM PDT; Last modified: September 6, 2003 4:34 PM PDT
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[10] INTRANSIT @ | 17-Aug-03/4:58 PM | Reply
I like the randomly shifted lines better. Dropping the buttercup works! I don't know what perfect is, but I can't imagine it being better than this. you piss me off.
[9] http://bandgeek @ | 6-Sep-03/4:59 PM | Reply
Very nice, but changing from "she/her" to "you" was a little confusing. 9
[9] <~> @ | 6-Sep-03/8:47 PM | Reply
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 7-Sep-03/5:04 PM | Reply
I overworked my fish and his eskimo a while ago. It got so bad, I had to put them both down. Don't let it happen to you.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > INTRANSIT | 7-Sep-03/7:33 PM | Reply
Signore, all I did was adjust the spacing. But point well taken.
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