| Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan |
6-Feb-06/2:50 PM |
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It looks more like a haiku. Haikus demand economy. They often have two images the second cutting across the first. They have no message as such. They are sensory. If you think you have some interesting wisdom do an epigram.
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| Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan |
6-Feb-06/8:05 AM |
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By the way you should learn what a haiku is, that and a metaphor.
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| Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan |
6-Feb-06/8:04 AM |
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I disagree. Every goldfish I know that can contemplate also understands the hydrological cycle.
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| Re: a comment on Tonight (edit) by drnick |
6-Feb-06/7:55 AM |
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| Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick |
6-Feb-06/7:53 AM |
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Are you the doctor nick that deals with boys problems by prescribing them your book 'how to live with a willy'.
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| Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick |
6-Feb-06/7:52 AM |
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If the desert swallows rain, where is its throat and more importantly itsstomach and bum.
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| Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan |
6-Feb-06/4:56 AM |
goldfish contemplates raindrops
on an autumn pond. (13 syllables) I have saved you four syllables to say something interesting.
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| Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan |
6-Feb-06/4:54 AM |
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Is this about how one of the dimensions of the universe is visible only to goldfish. If so I agree.
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| Re: a comment on can you sing me a song by richa |
6-Feb-06/3:53 AM |
Dovina :Why is it sad that the joyful reader cannot sing sweetest of all?
Richard: this is not a question for the narrator. He does not presume to explain the feelings of the joyful reader.
Dovina: To be a joyful reader is not wanton.
Richard: I did not pick the word at random. I picked it for its connotations of indiscipline and playfulness and the general sonic frivolity of the word.
Dovina: But I see no fault in that.
Richard: I am very pleased for you.
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| Re: a comment on I'm there by amanda_dcosta |
5-Feb-06/3:28 PM |
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| Re: Untitled by click64 |
5-Feb-06/3:25 PM |
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The past does not matter. Unless you have crabs. Then it matters. :(
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| Re: a comment on Racism 4 by Dovina |
19-Jan-06/2:27 PM |
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OMG your real name is sharon.
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| Re: a comment on Racism 4 by Dovina |
19-Jan-06/2:24 PM |
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It would be more scholarly to write a poem with a place and a voice and the theme of racism in it. That way your poem would not be wrong. It would be a poem in which something happened and the reader could examine its significance. There is far too much telling in your poems. Of this series I like the first one best but the end spoils it by saying what the black people are thinking.
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| Re: Where the Hell Did I Put My Glasses? by Joe-joe |
19-Jan-06/1:56 PM |
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A bit pedestrian. The language needs to be punchier, interesting.
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| Re: Racism 4 by Dovina |
19-Jan-06/1:53 PM |
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Racism is a theme not a poem title. Yeah I'm really deep. :(
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| Re: A Haiku by amanda_dcosta |
16-Jan-06/3:18 PM |
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This is a meta-ku if anything.
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| Re: Racism 2 by Dovina |
16-Jan-06/3:14 PM |
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I gather this poem is about a white person who goes to a black inner-city and buys a greasy hot dog and liquor store stuff and is treated well by the black people. The black people would like when they visit the middle-class white person's town to be treated the same way but they are not. It is just not a very realistic scenario.
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| Re: cat by Dental Panic |
12-Jan-06/2:26 PM |
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I agree with biteme. The second and third verses do not follow on from the principle set out in the first verse very precisely. The first verse is good though. The line breaks are a bit random.
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| Re: a comment on Flow by zodiac |
12-Jan-06/2:16 PM |
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There is no point posting an attractive looking poem on here anyway because the font is unbelievably ugly.
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| Re: a comment on Flow by zodiac |
12-Jan-06/2:16 PM |
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No they are phonic listen. Come (open vowel) line break (hold) unmoored (low sound). Flood (pause) then flood of words, flux sinkage, some nadir.
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