| Re: Men & Forget me not's by Mona Lisa |
18-Mar-04/1:30 AM |
Good, like the first verse especially. Sounds right, metaphor carried through.
Don't really understand the final line though.
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| Re: Wash Your Hands... by Blindpoetry |
17-Mar-04/11:16 AM |
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No particularly good lines, but the experimentation with style is interesting, and almost comes off.
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| Re: Fly by etherealmaiden |
17-Mar-04/11:14 AM |
The rhythm of the the first verse I like.
The other verses are too predictable however and the rhyme cower with power is absurdly forced.
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| Re: a comment on âIâll Drop You Off At The Next Cornerâ by Blindpoetry |
16-Mar-04/12:53 AM |
Ok then, I suggest in your edit you spell as many words incorrectly as possible. Then when people comment, defend it as a masterpiece of expression. And then you may evoke in the reader the feeling that you are stupid. Which will be good because you feel stupid.
Watch the tens roll!!!?
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| Re: a comment on Your silhouette still drinks at my table by Don-Quixote |
14-Mar-04/2:01 PM |
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I just clicked on ghazal at the top, and read some examples. Nothing more I am afraid.
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| Re: a comment on Zodiac's Visit to Micky D's by Oej-Oej |
14-Mar-04/6:15 AM |
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| Re: Your silhouette still drinks at my table by Don-Quixote |
14-Mar-04/6:13 AM |
Don't know much about ghazals, think there is something about repetition you may have missed though.
This is good,
I have a small problem with 'didn't need to unlock these chains' which sounds a bit corny and 'vengeance passivity' which sounds babble.
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| Re: a comment on The Destination of the Unborn Child by DeadtotheWorld |
14-Mar-04/6:05 AM |
I believe we are all born gay, and must partake in manly activities to prove ourself not.
Also vis a vis the poeme, I suggest the term toke was invented by a rapper because it rhymed with smoke.
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| Re: My Boyfriend's Afro Pick by horus8 |
14-Mar-04/4:49 AM |
'About how you've worked for your
glorified bona'
-9-
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| Re: Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT |
13-Mar-04/11:26 AM |
I think what this poeme needs is some arbitrary line breaks. If I may:-
She talks quietly with
the elderly couple,
seeming healthy except
for her rubberized hands:
Small bendable fingers,
look alikes,
no fancy prosthetics,
stainless hooks, or
muscle triggers.
It took both of her hands
to manouevre, the fork
just to pick
a single beet slice.
I paid my bill
and walked outside
to a father
teaching his son
how to skip stones
across the pond.
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| Re: a comment on Wha you funkin wan? by ==Doylum |
12-Mar-04/10:19 AM |
'but i would rather hear about the anthropomorphized bacon'
I think therefore I'm ham?!
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| Re: a comment on Zodiac's Visit to Micky D's by Oej-Oej |
12-Mar-04/9:57 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Brethren by richa |
12-Mar-04/8:11 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Brethren by richa |
12-Mar-04/8:10 AM |
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It was just an acknowledgement of your previous message. I got it loud and clear (and peculiarly invisible).
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| Re: Brethren by richa |
11-Mar-04/2:35 PM |
The trick of the dandelion clock:
To disperse in the wind, grey seeds
to interchange
like girls, plain as a sugar's beet,
that dance,
a####
#p###
##p##
###l##
####e#
#####s
each hiding a Newton.
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| Re: a comment on Brethren by richa |
11-Mar-04/8:13 AM |
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More the fragility of such an existence. Every one could be a pioneer, set the ball rolling.
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| Re: a comment on Brethren by richa |
11-Mar-04/7:33 AM |
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OK then, the girls plain as a sugar's beet are based on the quakers. Newton was just science, the fast unpredictability of progress, the instability, the arms race, the genome race, the nuclear race. The opening of pandoras box.
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| Re: a comment on Zodiac's Visit to Micky D's by Oej-Oej |
11-Mar-04/6:42 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Brethren by richa |
11-Mar-04/6:42 AM |
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The kinship of the girls is such that they can interchange like wind pollinated seeds (the trick). To break kinship, to wear a flower, to hold an apple, would ruin this. In each of the girls is this potential (each hiding an [isaac] newton).
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| Re: a comment on Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
9-Mar-04/9:13 AM |
D_A, a descendant of Oscar Wilde?!!!!
How the hell did that happen, alert joe-joe.
P.s I presumed you meant ascendant.
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