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Brethren (Free verse) by richa The trick of the dandelion clock:
To disperse in the wind, grey seeds
to interchange
like girls, plain as a sugar's beet,
that dance,
each hiding a Newton.
Up the ladder:
Make It To Heaven
Down the ladder:
Homemade Greetings
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.8
Posted: March 9, 2004 8:45 AM PST; Last modified: March 10, 2004 2:24 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.572174 Overall Rank: 2414 Comments:
'clock:' - with a colon.
I like 'like girls' - without 'the'. I don't get the punctuation in the last line.
Wait - where did the apples go?
my turn to look stupid; I don't unnastand.
The kinship of the girls is such that they can interchange like wind pollinated seeds (the trick). To break kinship, to wear a flower, to hold an apple, would ruin this. In each of the girls is this potential (each hiding an [isaac] newton).
but doesn't the word "brethren" indicate brotherhood [with a solemn or religious tone]?
I very much like the sounds this makes, but the logic eludes me. Still not getting the Sir Newton angle.
OK then, the girls plain as a sugar's beet are based on the quakers. Newton was just science, the fast unpredictability of progress, the instability, the arms race, the genome race, the nuclear race. The opening of pandoras box.
Okay, then I get the title. But now I'm stuck with the dichotomy between Quakers and science/progress...
They're running out of time? Ultimately these girls will betray themselves and their clan with idividuality and joining the outside world?
More the fragility of such an existence. Every one could be a pioneer, set the ball rolling.
sold.
The trick of the dandelion clock:
To disperse in the wind, grey seeds to interchange like girls, plain as a sugar's beet, that dance, a#### #p### ##p## ###l## ####e# #####s each hiding a Newton.
Go ahead and laugh. There were apples in this poem before. I liked them. You may think the image was a little obvious, but I don't. Or, why not put them in edgewise, like 'apple-cheeked girls,' or 'to bob and interchange,' or something such? And if I'm so out-of-line here, why is everyone stumbling on the Newton, huh? Besides, the line 'that dance' is way too short. It could stand the extra syllables.
I'm on your side here, man.
It was just an acknowledgement of your previous message. I got it loud and clear (and peculiarly invisible).
Yeah whatever, man. You're on thin ice, compadre. Yeah, that's right. You're on my list, mo-fucker - so you better just watch your back. Howya like dem APPLES?!
Etc etc etc etc ad infinitum.
um, is there sposed to be a second "p" in the third line...?
do you mean a second #?
Isn't there supposed to be a second 's' on the last line? And shouldn't the second 'p' in the third line be moved to the first line? And is 'PAPLESS' really a word - and if so, what does it all mean?
Why it is that good stuff like this gets overlooked, I'll nevr know.
INTRANSIT: to get it, you have to know that in his youth richa often sat under an old twisted sugarbeet tree, trying - o! in vain! - to wrap his youthful brain around the problem of gayness in the world, which he - rightly - felt was key to an understanding of the universe on the quantum level. One day, while deep in meditation, he was struck on the noggin by a falling sugarbeet, in an eerie replication of Newton's encounter with the apple, made more eerie by the fact of a sugarbeet growing on a tree in the first place, which richa had always thought of as an odd figure of speech. Anyway, the blow had the effect of dislodging a jammed synapse and revealing the gayness problem in its beautiful entirety to him. He had to tell people - but how? Most people just can't wrap their brains around something like this. They just want stage-tricks, juggling and APPLES. They're not ready for this stuff.
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Yet I know a dandelion's trick,
Clever like Newton.
I like this!