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“I’ll Drop You Off At The Next Corner” (Other) by Blindpoetry
..sorry - this one's a story... -- You don’t feel the love I’m feeling. You killed the brakes that I was using. You followed directions to the gas station, as I thought we were going to your house. If you want to stop for food, then don’t ride with me, don’t ride with me, don’t ride with me! You want to speed in a little toy car, get pulled over by the cop and say you love him, as strangers are oblivious to your personality. You want to dance with the foreign, cardboard male, listen to it sing and watch it fall for you, as it won’t stand by itself. You want to love a prince that will be king of your mind, but his mind will be ruled by the girl next door, as this is common for the typical, bored, make-up bottle. I’m going to pull over and leave you on the street for the summer, as I know you won’t be alone. Camp out in the woods, prince charming will find you and have a healthy supply of vitamins. I’m going to trip and fall on purpose and let you watch, freaking out for it wasn’t on queue. Drop dead with me and I’ll come back, but you decide to stand still and stare. I’ll get up and you’ll try to comfort me, but I will shake my head and blame you for drinking the Pepto-Bismol. I’m going to attempt a speech to win the election to rule over your mind, but my last few dinners were too big. Now I trip and fall down the stairs. Thank goodness my fat saved me.

Up the ladder: It Still Hurts

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Weighted score: 4.910598
Overall Rank: 9598
Posted: March 7, 2004 11:00 AM PST; Last modified: March 7, 2004 11:00 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 7-Mar-04/11:06 AM | Reply
HARNESSE ALERT
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ 68.106.171.15 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 7-Mar-04/11:10 AM | Reply
.... Harnesse?
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.215.121 > Blindpoetry | 7-Mar-04/11:49 AM | Reply
For gross moral turditude!
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ 68.106.171.15 | 8-Mar-04/7:32 PM | Reply
Ok, obviously ,what i thought was good wasn't good.
:-/
I know this isn't poetry, but can anyone donate critiquing? I'm desperate, now, for this one.
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.217.54 | 9-Mar-04/4:38 AM | Reply
The car metaphor or whatever it is is too clumsy and esoteric, and often absurd. You might as well talk about leaving a cake out in the rain and losing the recipe and it taking so long to bake. (MacArthur Park)

Read it out loud 'if you want to stop for food don't ride with me'. You can not write in an angry manner and then talk about stopping off for food.
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ 68.106.171.15 > richa | 9-Mar-04/7:41 PM | Reply
It is supposed to be weird and awkward. Thats the whole point.

One of the ways. (one... but there are many other ways that this could get to you.. bleh) ... one of the ways to make this get to you is to make you feel like you've read a piece 'o shit. And thats how the speaker feels. He feels awkward.. he feels stupid... he feels unreliable.. I don't know how to explain, but.. en, that was intended - and not many people are getting this at all. 0_o;

Hm... I wonder if my words made any sense...?
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.248.201 > Blindpoetry | 16-Mar-04/12:53 AM | Reply
Ok then, I suggest in your edit you spell as many words incorrectly as possible. Then when people comment, defend it as a masterpiece of expression. And then you may evoke in the reader the feeling that you are stupid. Which will be good because you feel stupid.

Watch the tens roll!!!?
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