Re: Racism 4 by Dovina	19-Jan-06/1:53 PM
Racism is a theme not a poem title. Yeah I'm really deep. :(
Re: Where the Hell Did I Put My Glasses? by Joe-joe	19-Jan-06/1:56 PM
A bit pedestrian. The language needs to be punchier, interesting.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Feb-06/3:19 PM
Chilling.
Re: Untitled by click64	5-Feb-06/3:25 PM
The past does not matter. Unless you have crabs. Then it matters. :(
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Feb-06/4:47 AM
Doesn't need a title, it's a haiku. 'The' is a wasted syllable in the first line. 'deep' is a bit of a waste too.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Feb-06/4:48 AM
Why isn't this about muslims.
Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/4:54 AM
Is this about how one of the dimensions of the universe is visible only to goldfish. If so I agree.
Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/4:56 AM
goldfish contemplates raindrops on an autumn pond. (13 syllables) I have saved you four syllables to say something interesting.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Feb-06/5:03 AM
I don't know what the first two lines are all about or why they have become detached from the rest of the text which by the way is rather good.
Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	6-Feb-06/7:52 AM
If the desert swallows rain, where is its throat and more importantly itsstomach and bum.
Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	6-Feb-06/7:53 AM
Are you the doctor nick that deals with boys problems by prescribing them your book 'how to live with a willy'.
Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/8:05 AM
By the way you should learn what a haiku is, that and a metaphor.
Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/2:50 PM
It looks more like a haiku. Haikus demand economy. They often have two images the second cutting across the first. They have no message as such. They are sensory. If you think you have some interesting wisdom do an epigram.
Re: I Heart You by Enkidu	6-Feb-06/2:51 PM
Does the narrator have Parkinson's.
Re: Whales in Gastineau Channel by zodiac	6-Feb-06/3:10 PM
Isn't it more fragile (I know you put in fragiler for a reason but I am at a loss, other than to make the poem more idiosyncratic, what that reason is). And the last sentence doesn't do it. There is no need to talk of your ache, it is inferred by your opposition to 'something always fragiler'. I think the poem would end better keeping on the theme of others yen for fragility. Then don't touch it. The details are fine.
Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	8-Feb-06/3:14 AM
Very good. Anvil eyed needs a hyphen or the anvil is doing the eying. Davy lamp doesn't need quotation marks, and is a much more relevant and precise image than hero's sword. The details give it pathos and I think it benefits from not being overloaded with adjectives.
Re: My Father’s World by Dovina	10-Feb-06/3:11 PM
When I first read this the voice in my head was reading with a whisper and I missed that it was rhymed in an aa bb manner. On second read I heard it and it seems kind of pointless. This is not written in couplets after all. Other than that this is a fine poem. It is devoid of your usual pretention and that is why we continue to argue with you. At the back of our minds we think 'yeah, she talks ass, but in time she'll reflect on our advice and realise we were correct'. It makes it all worth while for me.
Re: Racial Hate by Glasseyez	11-Feb-06/4:47 AM
I read that in tests if you place a blanket over the face of a mongoloid baby it sits there placidly. If you put the blanket over the face of a caucasoid baby it gently stirs. If you put the blanket over the face of a negroid baby it throws the blanket off and shoots you with his oozie. I therefore conclude that your poem is factually inaccurate and written by a dimwit. :(
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Feb-06/12:33 PM
Having frightened and scared of Spain is inelegant as they pretty much mean the same thing. The last line I like the idea but warmed darkness doesn't make sense. Warmed stone? maybe not. Ohter than that good.
Re: Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina	14-Feb-06/12:50 PM
'Of what fabric are wishes made?' is a punchy line to start with but you make no attempt to elucidate. It can't be ascertained why you sneer so much. To start a thing is vague and quite clunky. The middle of the poem is unarresting. Death refrain is an interesting use of language. Good to say we've come a long way is a decent idea. I just think the poem needs more meat in the place of the cliches of wilderness, anniveraries pass etc.