| Re: whilst the bells ring by richa |
14-Aug-03/7:11 AM |
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an old one of mine, I just deleted the last verse and changed a single line for housekeeping purposes
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Aug-03/6:57 AM |
good prose style poetry, meaty.
First verse seems a bit superfluous though, the poem would not lose any power without it I think
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Aug-03/7:11 AM |
the images are good so too the wordplay.
But the crux of the poem linking swallowed tongue with swallowed words/promise/hidden depths doesn't really convince me.
Good though
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| Re: Starting Over by justjay |
19-Aug-03/7:46 AM |
OK flows kind of well. Well communicated.
Lacking in any real originality though
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| Re: deleted scenes by Bill Z Bub |
19-Aug-03/7:49 AM |
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wistful, quite sparse in its language but throws up a few nice phrases 'potato faced bully' is nice
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| Re: Breaking the wind (An Odenelle to Pirgaytes) by Bachus |
19-Aug-03/7:53 AM |
'I woke up to the smell of lawn
I wondered why my boots were gorne?'
Is an ace rhyme
other than that you shouldn't rhyme you twice and then with poo. I guess you got bored.
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| Re: Jack Frost by Kitch |
19-Aug-03/7:56 AM |
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Grim writing, quite liked it
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Aug-03/1:37 PM |
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call it a pimple and it is a good poem
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| Re: The Grave (thanks to z) by Mr Pig |
19-Aug-03/1:44 PM |
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your word selection always intrigues, 'syntax' and 'appropriate catholicism' are particularly effective in conveying how detached ritual is from death.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Aug-03/1:46 PM |
under 16years old, inventive.
over 20years old, simpleton
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Aug-03/11:39 PM |
tenses, tenses
It does all fit together, bear that in mind
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-03/11:47 AM |
'Sitting on my bed staring at the ceiling fan
Wondering where all of this shit began'
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-03/11:49 AM |
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perfectly lucid but lacking a spark
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| Re: I by Rodavlas |
20-Aug-03/12:04 PM |
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but I'll put it on poemranker anyway see what everyone thinks?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-03/1:25 PM |
I'm not sure who the blue giving me six for all my revisions is. But it is very kind of you to keep coming back.
thanks
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| Re: How A Panhandler Kills by SupremeDreamer |
21-Aug-03/5:09 AM |
Interesting story, well put accross.
Not sure about the know it all tramp though. The bit about the adultress and stuff sounds a little 'dawsons creek.'
And portraying the tramps life as happy and contented I find a bit strange. But the comparison between the two is rather good.
It could just as easily be about the remorse of toyota man thinking what he had compared to the tramp.
anyway good piece
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| Re: Wolverines, me, and the last American Buffalo. by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
21-Aug-03/5:14 AM |
and what wavelength are you on?
This sounds like some manic persons conversation.
Very inventive
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| Re: A Mod Proposal (of Modest Proportions) by coolassbob |
21-Aug-03/5:17 AM |
quite a packed poem here
not sure about the parentheticals though
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| Re: The Better of the Sea by abecedarian |
21-Aug-03/5:22 AM |
Good this, nice use of language.
The last line was funny, but 'rusting ass'?
well set up
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Aug-03/9:59 AM |
good this nice original language and follows the metaphor through well.
But 'my bent emotions' not sure about that
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