Re: Love (pyramus and thisbe) by New Life Drug	9-Nov-03/11:22 AM
Reads well, but the theme is a little ubiquitous.
Re: A heart without keys by sliver	9-Nov-03/1:14 PM
Last line sounds a bit porn filmish.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Nov-03/7:41 AM
Shame you couldn't include 2/4/22 what. I pictured it as a dog kennel for some reason, still I think the point is the same (kind of)
Re: As I sit alone by baby_d	11-Nov-03/7:50 AM
Try something to connect the reader, not a cliche, cliches have long since lost their evocative power. Many people have written poems like this, give or take a few words here and there. Why should we like yours?
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Nov-03/7:52 AM
last three lines don't add much, but good, an attempt at some kind of thought.
Re: submission to decay by FreeFormFixation	11-Nov-03/7:57 AM
No need for the double line breaks. I like some of the description, perhaps the analysis needs to be a bit deeper than 'the world is going to end, it is all our fault'.
Re: How It Is by heartlessempath	11-Nov-03/11:04 AM
You seem to have what you want to say worked out. How about the use of poetic means to convince the reader.
Re: Miss You, Love by heartlessempath	11-Nov-03/11:06 AM
Opium is not sweet it is a narcotic, it is dreamy yes.
Re: My Queen by heartlessempath	11-Nov-03/11:09 AM
'That every move, gesture, connotation and Inflection is calculated, ingenuine' Interesting, seemed to stick out. So much of what we do is following patterns instinctually. Saying hello etc.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Nov-03/1:51 PM
Prefer the second, can't seem to get the flow of the first. Some of the seconds short rhymes really push the poem along. Something that struck, 'seldom made' vs 'are rare' one conclusion infers some kind of natures plan, the other something more random.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Nov-03/1:58 PM
Not bad, not sure about the first verse. Where does the melody come from, where does the melody go when it is transposed.
Re: Call Vegas!!! by INTRANSIT	12-Nov-03/2:08 PM
At first this made sense, then the bit about 3 women to one man confused me, then I thought the chance of a man holding a position of superiority is 1 in 4 (out of four people one will be a man). One person holding the given position equates to victory for men everywhere. Not sure I believe the figures by the way, women outnumber men the most in wartorn countries where the men go out to fight, on the whole. Anyway an interesting little puzzle at any rate.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Nov-03/5:36 AM
Like the repetition of strange and strangers. The first time the line is mentioned it sounds interesting but confusing, then it is built up. I think this is the best way to use repetition.
Re: ANGel R U by EaH4life	13-Nov-03/5:40 AM
provocative eyes? you want to punch her?
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Nov-03/5:43 AM
good poem, don't agree with a word of it.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Nov-03/7:45 AM
any good? Worth running with, I was thinking about taking the role of the submissive vs actor in nature to add to it.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Nov-03/11:47 AM
Glad you have found somewhere to express yourself where you will not get a good kicking;
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Nov-03/1:28 PM
I have added a comma, 'rain-water, thin as sheen' So as not to describe the grass as rain water thin, but the rain water as sun sheen thin.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Nov-03/7:35 AM
parts of this are a little prosaic, but you save the best till the last. Pulling rank on the god of vengeance, nice one.
Re: The Ode of Human Life by ShaNoN+960317485	14-Nov-03/7:39 AM
I like the way you get this poem to flow out of such long lines. The only pick is that it is a little too eclectic in the images it throws in rather than building up a central metaphor.