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Love (pyramus and thisbe) (Free verse) by New Life Drug
I remember the dawn of words and loving ears We must not part at dusk for it kept you waiting here The more the flame is covered up the hotter it burns and so we slipped away But it lead to our one urn And now deep red berries that were once snow white grow between our ashes As we escape into the night I too can be brave I too can love Let me take this knife covered in your blood Drive it into the heart of mine death closes your eyes But it will not part us from where you lay

Up the ladder: i hung that page to dry
Down the ladder: Hurt never dies

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 12
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.1666665
Weighted score: 5.313765
Overall Rank: 3550
Posted: November 8, 2003 11:00 PM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2003 11:00 PM PST
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Comments:
[6] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.160.203 | 8-Nov-03/11:11 PM | Reply
Blessed with 6.
[8] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.116.54 | 9-Nov-03/12:23 AM | Reply
"covered in your blood" this should be "And blood covered gloves."?

"Drive it into the heart of mine
death closes your eyes
But it will not part us
from where you lay":

This should be:

Drive into the heart of mine
Let death close your eyes
But it will not part us
from where we shall rise.



[7] richa @ 81.178.129.21 | 9-Nov-03/11:22 AM | Reply
Reads well, but the theme is a little ubiquitous.
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