| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Mar-04/9:22 AM |
We made our home like a hedgehog
with wit. For the occasional jig
a stain-glass motif dress
kept up in the loft. A tin whistle
for Andrea, (usually plain Andy).
And a flag:
Orange, green and white, to barter
a jar from the bartender, a laugh.
This St Patrick's
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| Re: Fly by etherealmaiden |
17-Mar-04/11:14 AM |
The rhythm of the the first verse I like.
The other verses are too predictable however and the rhyme cower with power is absurdly forced.
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| Re: Wash Your Hands... by Blindpoetry |
17-Mar-04/11:16 AM |
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No particularly good lines, but the experimentation with style is interesting, and almost comes off.
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| Re: Men & Forget me not's by Mona Lisa |
18-Mar-04/1:30 AM |
Good, like the first verse especially. Sounds right, metaphor carried through.
Don't really understand the final line though.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Mar-04/1:36 AM |
Loses its way a bit with the longer verses in terms of rhythm, but overall this is really good. Especially the first two verses. Reminiscent of Auden's lyrical poems.
Personally with something like this, I would stick to a rigid pattern of sounds from the first verse template.
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| Re: To all the assholes.. by KaytiaraFaith |
18-Mar-04/11:23 AM |
Do you see what you have done here. You have written a poem making ill thought out comments on other peoples poems 'nonsense... disguised as poetry'
Directly after you have stomped your feet because 'a few idiots made stupid comments' about yours.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Mar-04/4:03 PM |
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Mothers day today - Happy Birthday? Alzheimers - a connection.
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| Re: Senseless Murder by Sapphire2589 |
20-Mar-04/4:09 PM |
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Needs better research. I am not believing the murder thingy
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Mar-04/3:40 AM |
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If you gotta go you gotta go. You are excused.
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| Re: Mixed Posture by Blindpoetry |
23-Mar-04/7:11 AM |
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Like the crazed ramblings of a schizophrenic. i.e. too fragmented to make sense. Has a certain energy though.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Mar-04/7:18 AM |
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A square IS a rectangle. A bit vague, lines like 'I m here but not there. I m there but not here' don't really mean much to me.
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| Re: urge purged by caffrey |
23-Mar-04/7:24 AM |
Like the flow and sounds.
Too many abstracts stated without showing the reader what you mean, jealousy, bitterness, envy, grief etc.
Also 'in jealous shoes' sounds very forced.
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| Re: March Madness by jessicazee |
23-Mar-04/7:27 AM |
The verses don't seem to follow on, and I agree with hypatia on the great small thing.
A few nice descriptions in there.
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| Re: Dissenting voice by richa |
23-Mar-04/11:32 AM |
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Just to clear things up, the first verse is not a quote, I would have credited a quote. The marks were just to signify an outside voice.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Mar-04/2:48 PM |
'uninhibited by social normatives' somehow does not belong in a poem.
couldn't you get him to drink your beauty first?
you've started smoking?
infantile roses?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Mar-04/2:55 PM |
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Nice flow and image. Is it important that we do not know who the 'he' is until the last few verses?
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| Re: Quiet Lakes by Fear of Garbage |
23-Mar-04/3:03 PM |
Like I can read korean and symbols on my wrists and the idea of poison from a mercury thermometer.
A couple of picks:
No real need for 'I wonder if this site has spoiled me' the symbolism works without.
Don't really understand how this follows on: 'Instead of dancing, Getting drunk and throwing up, There are imaginists.'
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Mar-04/2:03 PM |
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The picture is ace. Although it does kind of look like jesus is wearing a mini-skirt.
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| Re: Fishing Trip by darkshark |
25-Mar-04/5:17 AM |
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| Re: Love in Winter Storage by Russell |
25-Mar-04/5:21 AM |
Quite a nice sound (apart from the sings/distemper stings forced rhyme).
Not sure sparrows lurk though.
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