Re: self indulgent teenage-style poem needed to spew out. by Roisin	12-Apr-04/1:45 PM
nice, but metaphors are supposed to track and flames burning out do not leave poison behind.
Re: in perspective by That One	13-Apr-04/7:00 AM
The capitalisation is odd. The pace is what you seem to be going for, but it does seem a bit cobbled together.
Re: ex by TheLegacy	13-Apr-04/7:02 AM
5 syllables - 7 syllables - 5 syllables. You don't have to stick to such a structure but the fact you did the numbers with words suggests a misconception. The idea is ok but would be better as a throw away line not an entire poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Apr-04/7:04 AM
Well put together, one of your best.
Re: Ballad for a bad Irish accent by zodiac	13-Apr-04/7:06 AM
very good, agree with shuushin about s3 though.
Re: Severed Arm by jessicazee	13-Apr-04/7:09 AM
Quite good really, the language could be more punchy, but that is my only criticism.
Re: The Idea of Fusion at the Beach (After Wallace Stevens) by coffeespoons	17-Apr-04/10:53 AM
Well written, has a nice feel. I am left a little confused by the ending. You go from language as fire to language as soft stanzas to language as the wind.
Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann	17-Apr-04/11:04 AM
It is OK, relating of a fairly meaningless but nevertheless charming story. By the way unless your mum is a soul reever I very much doubt she 'brought you to life'.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Apr-04/11:17 AM
Has a pleasant order and precise words. The second verse is not needed I think, I took the first verse as a rhetorical question. Don't think you need a fourth and fifth verse as they are both answering the same premise (a small mercy remains).
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Apr-04/1:18 PM
Do you have a stammer? Short term memory problems? And the simile of verse two is just absurd.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/4:14 AM
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/11:38 AM
Ace, its about a child being pushed too high on a swing and falling off right?
Re: innocent voyeur by nentwined	20-Apr-04/1:29 AM
'the faces noeone sees' nope - you see them for a start and I am assuming the situation is public view so so do a lot of other people.
Re: eva by samgon	21-Apr-04/3:51 PM
make your topography mine? Is that from the geographer's book of seduction.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Apr-04/4:02 PM
I think you are experimenting with line breaks here. I think the sentences need to be shorter (or perhaps you have just missed out some of the punctuation). As it stands this rambles a bit.
Re: The Negro by Everyone	21-Apr-04/4:10 PM
Good God Lydia, I know you lean towards the right, but giving this -10- is taking things a little far!
Re: do androids dream? by nentwined	22-Apr-04/6:48 AM
Is didacticism still bad? What is poetry that is not didactic, impartial? Is poetry not creeping didacticism? I'll give you an -8-, I would give you more if this was decentthoughtranker.com
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Apr-04/2:55 PM
Goal is quite a harsh, clinical choice of word. Heart or mind - daffodyls? Heart and mind is a problem. Humans only have a heart and a mind (possibly). So the reader is lead to believe it is the voice of the narrator. Other than that cute.
Re: Lose That Too ! by recherche	27-Apr-04/7:52 AM
There is a problem with the valley daffodils and marigolds. It sounds as though you have just strung a few poeticisms together and hoped it makes sense. Have you ever seen marigolds on a valley. Really?
Re: Its the same old static & flaccid striptease. by SupremeDreamer	27-Apr-04/10:22 AM
'oblivion becomes me' is terrible. Some decent parts I think. The urge to write bit, the fades into subtelty, the spastic idiocy. Don't like the misogynism, and you know the response talking about pot gets you.