| Re: Good King Brownceslas by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
25-Apr-05/4:05 AM |
at last a real xmas song.
Jesu would be proud of his darkest angel.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Apr-05/6:16 AM |
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long distance love is a real fucker.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-May-05/5:13 AM |
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which means they are poor, wrapped up very well and cha could be so many places.
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| Re: MTV's The Real World: Allpoetry.com by Bluemonkey |
26-May-05/6:55 AM |
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| Re: A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus |
10-Jun-05/1:29 AM |
zero it rockmage go on you havent came in over an hour.
I bet you have strong arms from all that self love.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Jun-05/9:19 AM |
Almost fable like, very well written and different.
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| Re: Unclean by Dovina |
15-Jun-05/4:50 AM |
'injury as a robbers act' is the seminal line. I dont think the viewpoint in this is incendiary but quite considerate and weighted. You could tighten it up a bit and it would hit harder as a result.
Overall pfg.
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| Re: Swoon by Dovina |
15-Jun-05/4:54 AM |
Playful with some well used images.
Line 4 is perfect as it multiplies.
You could explore and highlight femininity more - you do it well.
The opening 6 or so lines are very good.
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| Re: MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey |
15-Jun-05/4:56 AM |
Apparently my earlier work inspired the 'pimple' Shhhhh.
Cutting
and
true though.
(dont faint i commented lol)
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| Re: A Hallmark Card for You (With Love) by Bluemonkey |
15-Jun-05/4:58 AM |
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| Re: quick by <~> |
15-Jun-05/5:03 AM |
hey zzinnia long time huh?
I think I get this but 'deepening february afternoon'? If I'm right on my interpretation that line don't sit well.
The last 3 lines could verge into a senryu - mixed on this one but I'm gaga for an explanation.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-05/5:14 AM |
__________Starting Over___________
Bluemonkey had a point on my last post and I'm dusting myself down and starting fresh. I will respect your reasons for doing what you do and comment on your poems best I can. Bear with me on critiques I'll just be honest without retaliating.
Okay then.
From what I know you have a talent in sculpturing or something like that and this has something to do with that. I liked this, my only suggestions would be move hues form L2 into L4 as that would save listing colours and being verbose. On L2 you could replace 'hue' with mood as colours (correct me if I'm wrong) selected by artists represent moods.
I like how the poem is decorative in the wordplay explaining a process that happens in all genres of artistry - poetry, drawing etc. The silica could be the inner thoughts of a poet as its buried waaay deep.
Then again I think a lot.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Jun-05/1:26 AM |
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can the poems we post be whores?
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| Re: Flicking by INTRANSIT |
24-Jun-05/5:13 PM |
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| Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina |
28-Jun-05/6:26 AM |
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I like it but the last 2 lines lack impact.
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| Re: We Have Never Spoken by fevriere |
28-Jun-05/6:27 AM |
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It has promise but the rhyme is off.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jul-05/1:14 AM |
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One of the better whiteley poems I've read. Vorderman will miss the pay cheque more.
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| Re: it's okay to cry, idiot by calliope |
3-Jul-05/1:15 AM |
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| Re: The choices we make by darby pyn |
3-Jul-05/1:17 AM |
Heartfelt and sentmental but your problem lies in not what you want to say, just the way you dilute it with forced rhyme.
Force what you wanna say first. Allegiance to rhyme should not dictate the poem.
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| Re: We Have Never Spoken by fevriere |
3-Jul-05/1:21 AM |
THe last 2 stanzas are so adult in their honesty and deliverance. LIne 4 is funny but out of place. I would change stanza one and get rid of the rhyme.
Lines 6/8-end are fab.
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