on Thracian mountains until the Sea by Shardik
17 Mar 2003, 6:09 AM
I hope this gets the recognition you deserve here for this adventurous piece. I see where you could have been inspired about this after reading Corinthians 14:2,9, lots of fun in this to be found, hellenic culture, doctrines and I am trying to study this to find the connections I think your writing about. Cant really vote till its absorbed. Polished balls though for finding such a subject, nice one
on To My Grave by Bonehiss
15 Mar 2003, 2:51 AM
The end of S2 And all of S3 is ethereal but the 'stuff' is frustrating what is the stuff? is it relevant? i felt denied not knowing. Otherwise with a bit of chinking this could shine like an ice sculpture. 7
on Desired Height by Wulf
17 Mar 2003, 6:46 AM
not much shape to it, reads like a rough draft but its got potential
on Lover's Portrait by Dancer
17 Mar 2003, 6:49 AM
its not that bad, but it could be better the end is teen magazine style
on a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub
14 Mar 2003, 9:42 AM
You and Intransit are similar in style, just thought i'd mention it before i run like a gibbon and shout red nose day.
on Looks like war, but tastes like chicken by Jeremi B. Handrinos
17 Mar 2003, 6:13 AM
line 3 very clever, america is eaten by greed, finger licking good connection of freedom, really kicks the ass of irony so hard it pukes from the mouth.
Last stanza is it needed? 8
Last stanza is it needed? 8
on kiss by elizabethann
17 Mar 2003, 6:15 AM
I was salivating like Homer Simpson over a can of Duff reading this, loved all of it but the last bits to sickly, please remove it, all you wanna go for is sensual and you sold it to me.
Love to meet you pissed. 8
Love to meet you pissed. 8
on some deleted poem
17 Mar 2003, 6:27 AM
I went to a memorial in france, 4 big walls 100 feet high with over 10,000 names etched in to the wall. Your Haiku is simple yes, but it says a lot and is moving 7
on What Do You Want From Me? by Bonehiss
15 Mar 2003, 2:55 AM
This is pretty fine, nice touches in this like lines 4/6/7/8, after the needle in the eye a reference to blindness would be cool, think of a metaphor about manipulation or something, eyes are so so vulnerable and so much can be said about them, they see they cry, they puncture, they close, open, roll, go red, grey white fuck me gimme gimme gimme that killer line
on a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub
14 Mar 2003, 9:41 AM
Stanza 3 is hilarious my pants i have truly pissed.
This is a real feelgood poem for the reader, an indulgence of humour and damn fine poetry. ( that gods wife gets about in tributes dont she)
=============10
This is a real feelgood poem for the reader, an indulgence of humour and damn fine poetry. ( that gods wife gets about in tributes dont she)
=============10
on The 11th hour by INTRANSIT
14 Mar 2003, 8:38 AM
Whoa your pens smoking of late
on some deleted poem
14 Mar 2003, 8:55 AM
Very articulate and loved the Sphinx reference, but it reads too much like a showpiece of a writing rather than anything particular. 7
on Maud, After the Death of her Daughter Lynn by middenHeap
14 Mar 2003, 8:58 AM
Its A daisy !
It reads more like a lyric though.
Still an engaging piece of writing, compiled cleverly.
It reads more like a lyric though.
Still an engaging piece of writing, compiled cleverly.
Sweet and innocence shines through, originalty does not. However that will come with experience and practice. As a teen I forced myself to write which was in retrospect a mistake. However you may use parts of this poem as a theme for another poem later in life, keep writing: 6 :-)
on Orders to My Zombie Legions by razorgrin
14 Mar 2003, 9:07 AM
Zombiethon, this satisfied the george A romero side of me and for that i'm tossing you 8 severed heads
on The lightest touch by INTRANSIT
13 Mar 2003, 2:59 PM
Sounds like the ocean, love it !
By the way that Saturn ring thing you wrote for your wife....it partly inspired me to write one i posted today, like your true comment...'bloody war of angels',
think you need to work on last line, its okay but you dont do okay you do bravo. 7
By the way that Saturn ring thing you wrote for your wife....it partly inspired me to write one i posted today, like your true comment...'bloody war of angels',
think you need to work on last line, its okay but you dont do okay you do bravo. 7
on some deleted poem
13 Mar 2003, 3:01 PM
Long enough to hold my attention, needs more humour thats what the title promised me but then i am pissed.
on some deleted poem
13 Mar 2003, 3:02 PM
Perfect after so many rewrites you deserve this 10.
Lets get you top, I'd love that because you dont care for votes but tough heres mine===========10!
Lets get you top, I'd love that because you dont care for votes but tough heres mine===========10!
on some deleted poem
14 Mar 2003, 8:28 AM
Last stanza apt and sinister, goldfishes live for chewing fins. How the hell did u come up with this, well done 8
on some deleted poem
17 Mar 2003, 6:48 AM
pro