| Re: The lightest touch by INTRANSIT |
13-Mar-03/2:59 PM |
Sounds like the ocean, love it !
By the way that Saturn ring thing you wrote for your wife....it partly inspired me to write one i posted today, like your true comment...'bloody war of angels',
think you need to work on last line, its okay but you dont do okay you do bravo. 7
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Mar-03/3:01 PM |
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Long enough to hold my attention, needs more humour thats what the title promised me but then i am pissed.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Mar-03/3:02 PM |
Perfect after so many rewrites you deserve this 10.
Lets get you top, I'd love that because you dont care for votes but tough heres mine===========10!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Mar-03/8:28 AM |
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Last stanza apt and sinister, goldfishes live for chewing fins. How the hell did u come up with this, well done 8
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| Re: The 11th hour by INTRANSIT |
14-Mar-03/8:38 AM |
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Whoa your pens smoking of late
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Mar-03/8:55 AM |
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Very articulate and loved the Sphinx reference, but it reads too much like a showpiece of a writing rather than anything particular. 7
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| Re: Maud, After the Death of her Daughter Lynn by middenHeap |
14-Mar-03/8:58 AM |
Its A daisy !
It reads more like a lyric though.
Still an engaging piece of writing, compiled cleverly.
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| Re: My friend by Luv2write |
14-Mar-03/9:02 AM |
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Sweet and innocence shines through, originalty does not. However that will come with experience and practice. As a teen I forced myself to write which was in retrospect a mistake. However you may use parts of this poem as a theme for another poem later in life, keep writing: 6 :-)
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| Re: Orders to My Zombie Legions by razorgrin |
14-Mar-03/9:07 AM |
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Zombiethon, this satisfied the george A romero side of me and for that i'm tossing you 8 severed heads
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| Re: a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub |
14-Mar-03/9:41 AM |
Stanza 3 is hilarious my pants i have truly pissed.
This is a real feelgood poem for the reader, an indulgence of humour and damn fine poetry. ( that gods wife gets about in tributes dont she)
=============10
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| Re: a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub |
14-Mar-03/9:42 AM |
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You and Intransit are similar in style, just thought i'd mention it before i run like a gibbon and shout red nose day.
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| Re: To My Grave by Bonehiss |
15-Mar-03/2:51 AM |
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The end of S2 And all of S3 is ethereal but the 'stuff' is frustrating what is the stuff? is it relevant? i felt denied not knowing. Otherwise with a bit of chinking this could shine like an ice sculpture. 7
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| Re: What Do You Want From Me? by Bonehiss |
15-Mar-03/2:55 AM |
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This is pretty fine, nice touches in this like lines 4/6/7/8, after the needle in the eye a reference to blindness would be cool, think of a metaphor about manipulation or something, eyes are so so vulnerable and so much can be said about them, they see they cry, they puncture, they close, open, roll, go red, grey white fuck me gimme gimme gimme that killer line
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| Re: Thracian mountains until the Sea by Shardik |
17-Mar-03/6:09 AM |
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I hope this gets the recognition you deserve here for this adventurous piece. I see where you could have been inspired about this after reading Corinthians 14:2,9, lots of fun in this to be found, hellenic culture, doctrines and I am trying to study this to find the connections I think your writing about. Cant really vote till its absorbed. Polished balls though for finding such a subject, nice one
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| Re: Looks like war, but tastes like chicken by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
17-Mar-03/6:13 AM |
line 3 very clever, america is eaten by greed, finger licking good connection of freedom, really kicks the ass of irony so hard it pukes from the mouth.
Last stanza is it needed? 8
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| Re: kiss by elizabethann |
17-Mar-03/6:15 AM |
I was salivating like Homer Simpson over a can of Duff reading this, loved all of it but the last bits to sickly, please remove it, all you wanna go for is sensual and you sold it to me.
Love to meet you pissed. 8
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Mar-03/6:27 AM |
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I went to a memorial in france, 4 big walls 100 feet high with over 10,000 names etched in to the wall. Your Haiku is simple yes, but it says a lot and is moving 7
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| Re: Desired Height by Wulf |
17-Mar-03/6:46 AM |
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not much shape to it, reads like a rough draft but its got potential
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Mar-03/6:48 AM |
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| Re: Lover's Portrait by Dancer |
17-Mar-03/6:49 AM |
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its not that bad, but it could be better the end is teen magazine style
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