poemranker ::The lightest touch by INTRANSIT

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Free verse № 43040

The lightest touch

by INTRANSIT

Member since 2002 · Posted 8 Mar 2003 · Edited 13 Mar 2003 · 7 comments

Wispy swirling white. Flashing ruby fright. Spinning, sliding away as additions enter the fray. Many pass in the night wispy and swirling white.

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mean 6.20 weighted 5.14 rank 5361 views 270 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

7 comments

[n/a] Bill Z Bub 8-Mar-03/8:31 PM Reply
nice and smooth.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › Bill Z Bub 9-Mar-03/6:47 AM Reply
Your seven suggests a lacking somewhere. Could you point me in the right direction sir?
[n/a] Bill Z Bub › INTRANSIT 9-Mar-03/7:03 AM Reply
I didn't give you a seven. I forgot to vote! In fact, I wasn't sure what this one was about. Hints?
[n/a] <~> 11-Mar-03/7:05 AM Reply
Wispy swirling white.
Flashing ruby fright.
Spinning,(ins. comma) sliding away (delete the period)
as more and more (eh. 'more and more' is so generic. you can say it better)
enter the fray.
Many pass(del. 'on) in the night. (what are you trying to say--they ignore someone stranded?)
(delete 'in)Wispy and swirling white.

[n/a] <~> 11-Mar-03/7:26 AM Reply
"Wispy swirling white."

very nice sounds, here. nice, the repeat for closure as well.
[7] Caducus 13-Mar-03/2:59 PM Reply
Sounds like the ocean, love it !
By the way that Saturn ring thing you wrote for your wife....it partly inspired me to write one i posted today, like your true comment...'bloody war of angels',

think you need to work on last line, its okay but you dont do okay you do bravo. 7
[6] Jill Stockinger 1-Jan-21/11:40 AM Reply
Could not picture what was flashing ruby fright. A cop car?
Not clear enough to me, some nice imagery there.