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The lightest touch (Free verse) by INTRANSIT Wispy swirling white.
Flashing ruby fright.
Spinning, sliding away
as additions
enter the fray.
Many pass in the night
wispy and swirling white.
Up the ladder:
Agent Orange
Down the ladder:
Third Period English
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Posted: March 8, 2003 2:25 PM PST; Last modified: March 13, 2003 2:57 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.1430435 Overall Rank: 5364 Comments:
[n/a]
Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232
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8-Mar-03/8:31 PM
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Reply
nice and smooth.
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 152.163.188.7
> Bill Z Bub
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9-Mar-03/6:47 AM
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Reply
Your seven suggests a lacking somewhere. Could you point me in the right direction sir?
[n/a]
Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232
> INTRANSIT
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9-Mar-03/7:03 AM
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Reply
I didn't give you a seven. I forgot to vote! In fact, I wasn't sure what this one was about. Hints?
Wispy swirling white.
Flashing ruby fright. Spinning,(ins. comma) sliding away (delete the period) as more and more (eh. 'more and more' is so generic. you can say it better) enter the fray. Many pass(del. 'on) in the night. (what are you trying to say--they ignore someone stranded?) (delete 'in)Wispy and swirling white.
"Wispy swirling white."
very nice sounds, here. nice, the repeat for closure as well.
Sounds like the ocean, love it !
By the way that Saturn ring thing you wrote for your wife....it partly inspired me to write one i posted today, like your true comment...'bloody war of angels', think you need to work on last line, its okay but you dont do okay you do bravo. 7
Could not picture what was flashing ruby fright. A cop car?
Not clear enough to me, some nice imagery there. 270 view(s)
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