Replying to a comment on:
The lightest touch
(
Free verse
) by
INTRANSIT
Wispy swirling white. Flashing ruby fright. Spinning, sliding away as additions enter the fray. Many pass in the night wispy and swirling white.
<~>
11-Mar-03/7:05 AM
Wispy swirling white.
Flashing ruby fright.
Spinning,(ins. comma) sliding away (delete the period)
as more and more (eh. 'more and more' is so generic. you can say it better)
enter the fray.
Many pass(del. 'on) in the night. (what are you trying to say--they ignore someone stranded?)
(delete 'in)Wispy and swirling white.
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