| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
What Do You Want From Me? (Free verse) by Bonehiss Your wit is sharp,
Like a needle in my eye,
As I fall to my knees
Adorned in agonizing disfigurement.
What do you want from me?
You ask in mock innocent bewilderment,
Laughing inside like a gibbon
Gone mad in the forest.
You watch me cling
To the dark pillar
Of my self loathing,
Adding the final touch
With smug cruelty:
Can't we just be friends?
Up the ladder:
Apex of the Moon
Down the ladder:
flaxen you
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: March 15, 2003 12:40 AM PST; Last modified: August 22, 2003 6:14 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5737 Comments:
[5]
OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3
|
15-Mar-03/1:53 AM
|
Reply
You answered your own question. They just want to be friends. Sucks don't it?
I was going to leave a sarcastic comment about the gibbon simile, but I've "altered my consciousness" and it seems really scary.
It reminds me of the Egpytian ghost train in Chessington World of Adventure.
This is pretty fine, nice touches in this like lines 4/6/7/8, after the needle in the eye a reference to blindness would be cool, think of a metaphor about manipulation or something, eyes are so so vulnerable and so much can be said about them, they see they cry, they puncture, they close, open, roll, go red, grey white fuck me gimme gimme gimme that killer line
what do you want from me? it's not how it used to be. You've taken my life away, you're ruining everything etc.
Nice. 6
Hilarious, as funny as birdman's hero poem easilly.
249 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
