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What Do You Want From Me? (Free verse) by Bonehiss

Your wit is sharp, Like a needle in my eye, As I fall to my knees Adorned in agonizing disfigurement. What do you want from me? You ask in mock innocent bewilderment, Laughing inside like a gibbon Gone mad in the forest. You watch me cling To the dark pillar Of my self loathing, Adding the final touch With smug cruelty: Can't we just be friends?

Caducus 15-Mar-03/2:55 AM
This is pretty fine, nice touches in this like lines 4/6/7/8, after the needle in the eye a reference to blindness would be cool, think of a metaphor about manipulation or something, eyes are so so vulnerable and so much can be said about them, they see they cry, they puncture, they close, open, roll, go red, grey white fuck me gimme gimme gimme that killer line




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