Re: Pleasure. (Leisure Spoof) by Ulterius	31-Aug-06/7:13 AM
From Owen to Davies--how eclectically you spoof. Clever. ;)
Re: Felice Et Eroticum Est. by Ulterius	31-Aug-06/7:11 AM
Good god--who ARE you? This is brilliant. I think Owen would have found it hilarious. I do. Terrific, very "'rankerish" spoof.
Re: a comment on Nights in the city of Godiva by Mr Pig	3-Aug-06/2:05 PM
Make that "Eisteddfod." Freaking Welsh double d's and f's and such.
Re: a comment on Nights in the city of Godiva by Mr Pig	3-Aug-06/2:01 PM
No--I meant Blackpool WAS like a smallish, seedier Mardi Gras when we were there (which we weren't expecting--we were there to ride roller coasters, which were most excellent, and figured we'd grab a drink somewhere afterward, which led us into madness). I'd prefer the Callanish stones for the solstice. Too many neohippies at Stonehenge. (Probably on Lewis too, come to that) ;) Do you go to Eistenfodd? Being in Wales and all? Kudos for resurrecting "bow'ls." Always makes me laugh.
Re: I wish I was a chav by Stephen Robins	3-Aug-06/11:35 AM
Oooh--a new term! They didn't cover this in any of the Sophie Kinsella books I've read (I have appalling taste in 'literature,' and almost everything I know about British pop culture comes from terrible Brit-chick-lit novels). I've identified a few Chavs here at work, even (although the hip-hop wannabe element is lacking, so I guess they're not true Chavs). Wikipedia has way too much documentation on the phenomenon (all of which you've nailed): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav
Re: a comment on fragment by ecargo	1-Aug-06/7:55 AM
Just your basic iambic pentameter, but thanks. ;)
Re: Cold Collapse by MacFrantic	1-Aug-06/7:42 AM
Cool sounds in this, Mac--"snap and graaaaple; laaand aaaanimal, you in crew/biting balance do; levels several ladders; etc. Love the long vowel sounds throughout, the casual rhyming, the wordplay. You need a little more coherence though--not necessarily a linear narrative or a story, but something strong enough to give the suggestion of (if not actual) sense/structure. Don't let the rhymes drive it too much either. Cool.
Re: Nights in the city of Godiva by Mr Pig	1-Aug-06/7:37 AM
You can almost see the embedded dirt of Coventry. The kebab shoppe made me laugh the most. Middle Eastern food may be the worst to barf up (it's the cumin). Liked the dialog with the bouncer too. The harshest beatdown I ever saw was in the UK--we had a couple of days at Blackpool (nothing like what I expected--sort of a down-at-heel, minor-scale Mardi Gras, which came as a shock to us unsuspecting Yanks), and some guy tried to push his way past a ham-fisted bouncer, who knocked him down and HAMMERED him until the cops came along and HAMMERED him. I've seen NYC bouncer/cop beatdowns, but damn, nothing, nothing like that.
Re: 08:12AM Hiroshima by Caducus	28-Jul-06/2:14 PM
Some great details in this. "scene from a perfect haiku" seems too obvious. Second verse is my favorite.
Re: Diary by Dovina	28-Jul-06/1:59 PM
Some problems in logic and flow, but I like it overall. Resist rhyming "aligned" and "intertwined"--we all want to do it, and too many succumb. "Soft cerebral shadows" reads nicely. I love the second verse--we get a nice bit of YOU (the you in the poem anyway). Next verse (time)--I like it in concept, but I'm not clear on how time keeps it all in place--seems to me that diaries do the opposite--keep time in place. Maybe I'm just misreading it. I like the interplay between jailor and "frees the space." "Events and deeds" verse doesn't scan right (grammatically/logically). Last verse--you've come to trust verisimilude, not fact? If yes, lose the comma after fact. What you're saying, in effect, though is that you've come to trust the appearance or suggestion of truth rather than fact? verisimilitude doesn't always equal truth though; we're very self-deluded critters sometimes. Like it overall--you seem to be simplifying, which usually makes things stronger, clearer, less pompous.
Re: A Time to Dance by Dovina	25-Jul-06/10:25 AM
Not bad. I think the second verse is stronger as a beginning if you could work in the "daddy" bit elsewhere (title or otherwise). Also, and probably because it makes me think of Roethke's "My Papa's Waltz," I wish the rhythm was more, er, rhythmic, to suggest the dance. Here's how Roethke does it (mostly because I adore Theodore Roethke and will take any chance to quote him). In his version, it's all about rhythm, suggesting the waltz, and his choice of detail: The whiskey on your breath Could make a small boy dizzy; But I hung on like death: Such waltzing was not easy. We romped until the pans Slid from the kitchen shelf; My mother's countenance Could not unfrown itself. The hand that held my wrist Was battered on one knuckle; At every step you missed My right ear scraped a buckle. You beat time on my head With a palm caked hard by dirt, Then waltzed me off to bed Still clinging to your shirt.
Re: Nothing Broken, Nothing Saved by somemorepoetry	25-Jul-06/10:20 AM
I like this a lot--an electronic age bacchanal. The title's a deliberate play on "nothing ventured, nothing gained"? This is probably my favorite line: "And so many naked bodies twisted up circuitry Signals flying everywhere and nowhere." The ending is good too. One thing threw me though: " We are the living truth. The inability of History to subjugate the human race and The inevitable victory of intellect." It comes out of nowhere, this god-voice exposition and really throws off the narrative, IMO. You don't really need it; it's all there in the rest of it.
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	25-Jul-06/10:14 AM
I read it as a suicide. I think it worked.
Re: Suicide Dream by Ranger	25-Jul-06/10:13 AM
It's nicely done, Ranger. You have a deft gothic touch, both in the poem and in the (self-)quoted passage. Too bad Gothics are not popular anymore--you really get the eerie tone and imagery down. You should submit this--someplace like The Harrow (or maybe Kaolin's issue of the new GUD venture) that looks for dark-fantasy kinds of subs. What are you reading? This smacks of 19th century "horrid novels"--in a good way.
Re: turn back time by pollywolly	25-Jul-06/10:06 AM
I like the idea, but it needs more. Such a spare poem, too, can't really support repetition of words unless it serves a purpose (i.e., "skipping"). Expand this--bring us along with you.
Re: Mind Over Madness by drnick	25-Jul-06/10:03 AM
You've got some interesting lines ("more words to spill than ashes . . . "; the old curtains filtering, etc.). You keep it simple and don't overexplain things and let the details carry the meaning rather than pointing everything out (which never fails to bore the crap out of me when people do it--either we get it or we don't; if you have to endlessly explain, the poem isn't getting it done. This gets it done.) Good ending. Good poem.
Re: a comment on of Arabia by ecargo	12-Jul-06/9:53 AM
Interesting point. I suppose I was thinking more in terms of the romanticism of the picture than its epicness. But it is the sheer sweep and scope of it that blows me away, as much as anything. But I don't do 10 stanza poems all that often (though now I'm going to post an older long one just to make you read 30 stanzas, and then you'll likely agree that I stick to short poems for a reason (lack of attention span and lightweight drinking habits? Maybe.). Thanks for the comment/vote.
Re: a comment on of Arabia by ecargo	12-Jul-06/9:50 AM
Excellent! I was ridiculously psyched that Chaka has a site. ;-D Chaka Khan, let me rock you Let me rock you, Chaka Khan Let me rock you, that's all I wanna do Chaka Khan, let me rock you Let me rock you, Chaka Khan Let me rock you, 'cause I feel for you Chaka Khan, won't you tell me what you wanna do Do you feel for me the way I feel for you
Re: a comment on of Arabia by ecargo	10-Jul-06/9:37 AM
"Sheik" is the U.S. spelling (you Brits and all of those extra letters!). This is (in a literal sense, anyway) about/inspired by the movie _Lawrence of Arabia_, which has an overture in the middle that last too long (IMO), but I also meant that the fantasy has lasted too long (for the person in the poem, and maybe in a wider sense). I tried to put specific references to the movie (, the title, Sharif, filmy, "Watch:", etc.). Of course, I meant it to be about more than just the film. ;) Thanks for the comments, Ranger!
Re: Orca by Dovina	10-Jul-06/9:28 AM
Nice details to this, and some good innuendo. (Erect and stiff is very naughty, Dovina. ;)). I've had an unfinished whale poem (not as fun as this) for years--maybe this'll inspire me to finish it. Funny how once in a while there's one that just leaves you stymied re: how to finish it!