Re: Anthony by lexxie100	28-Jun-07/4:31 PM
where is the unusual? What is it that defines this couple and their lives as being unusual? The story is not so different to everyone's apart from the fact that it's happening to them -
Re: Teddy Bear by lexxie100	28-Jun-07/4:26 PM
go do what ALChemy said - you can tell a story, but force it unnaturally into rhyme. Try free versing this - I bet it will surprise you
Re: The Riddle by lexxie100	28-Jun-07/4:22 PM
If there is a riddle here - I can't get it...Hidden messages in poems work the best when not even hinted at...I find the flow a bit messy too...but you got me curious???
Re: Proposterosity by lexxie100	28-Jun-07/4:17 PM
you could cut this a bit - drop some of the filler words, tighten it up. Not sure where you are going with it - abuse is the only real image I can get...
Re: a comment on Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22	28-Jun-07/3:54 PM
Yes, much simpler - he seems to have taken what was said and reached his own conclusion.
Re: Ladies by MacFrantic	27-Jun-07/4:49 PM
Lyrics? Has a sing-song feel to it
Re: (Title pending) by INTRANSIT	27-Jun-07/4:47 PM
Great! now we have it in writing :)
Re: timebomb by lmp	27-Jun-07/4:29 PM
quite a twister - I would have thought it's the truth that doesn't hurt until the lies are out there...
Re: My Isolation by clarke1975	27-Jun-07/4:22 PM
For a lyric in this day and age it fits what else is out there. Not bad, but if you write lyrics often you are going to have to be more creative.
Re: Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22	25-Jun-07/5:12 PM
I like the movement of this poem and there's no arguing with the logic, the idea or the squirming way of attempting to justify to the youth what the hell we are all playing at - but Alex seems to get very smart, his final words are more what an adult making a speech would say - rather than the natural conclusion from a 7th grader...do you know what I mean? I do like the whole thing, it's just something kinda contrived maybe, about the last part...
Re: a comment on The Old Soldier by Skamper	25-Jun-07/4:48 PM
You really should get your colon checked...You have a serious anal fixation, from buggery to birth...wish I was smarter then I would know what ails ya...
Re: An Honest Transaction by Christof	25-Jun-07/4:45 PM
At first read I thought this was set in a Catholic Church...then a pub..but really it doesn't matter it's the lack of conviction in the character that holds the sting...Nice work.
Re: a comment on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	25-Jun-07/4:41 PM
yeah, the whole buy-me-some-rebellion and sell-me-a-cause shits me to tears...
Re: a comment on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	25-Jun-07/4:38 PM
I'm sure just the thought that there is one out there will be thanks enough for both of them. Oh! what was that? Little Johnny Howard wants his share of the thanks...he's been playing with the big boys too you know!
Re: a comment on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	25-Jun-07/4:34 PM
easiest thing I've ever written...probably got all the lingo wrong...(even using the word lingo is wrong), would have been fun too if they hadn't of wound me up so much...
Re: The Young Girl From Khartoum by Edna Sweetlove	25-Jun-07/11:15 AM
what did she call it
Re: You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	23-Jun-07/10:02 AM
Just a heads up - I wrote this a few years ago one lunch time while watching a group of white-middle-class Aussie kids actin' all ghetto.
Re: Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina	22-Jun-07/11:44 PM
very bleak - and arrogant...I like it!
Re: Tirade of a Venetian Ghost by MacFrantic	22-Jun-07/11:41 PM
Was this a suicidal ghost?
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	22-Jun-07/11:31 PM
I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)