Re: a comment on Within myself waiting for a call by jessicazee	22-Jun-07/11:27 PM
this has more the feel of just hanging around - You ended it well making us see that you are waiting for something...nice work!
Re: a comment on Just Another Reason by Skamper	22-Jun-07/11:19 PM
Not sure about what you mean about the last three lines - they are kinda incorporated in the intro... Hmm...I noticed now I have 'til written twice, will fix that up on my own copy thanks.
Re: a comment on Resume by drnick	21-Jun-07/4:31 PM
What's GHB? I bet it's not what I was thinking.
Re: Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick	21-Jun-07/4:28 PM
very vivid - I'm betting this is a truthful account. You have twisted some interesting lines. Nice work.
Re: a comment on Just Another Reason by Skamper	21-Jun-07/4:24 PM
Wrote this after a conversation with some parents about life/lessons/growing and developing a healthy adult. The weary looks and pouting faces were directed at me, because I didn't just nod and agree with them and how wonderful they were as parents. I have the philosophy of letting kids make the little mistakes, get the small bumps, and disappointments so they can handle the bigger injuries and injustices life deals them later. Let them learn to be wise.
Re: a comment on Just Another Reason by Skamper	21-Jun-07/4:18 PM
I have four kids - 3 teen girls and a pre-teen boy. This is mainly directed at horrible parents, who mean well but suck at the job.
Re: Foie Gras by Christof	21-Jun-07/4:14 PM
All capitol letters should be demoted immediately, and only given the right to become bigger when requested. Don't be so lazy as to let Word write your lines for you! This is the third or fourth poem I've come across today with idleness stamped all over it. Switch to notepad, take back control...OK that said this is fabulous, loving it. A little jumpy but still full marks for writing with substance.
Re: Within myself waiting for a call by jessicazee	21-Jun-07/4:04 PM
Are you sitting cross-legged? For the first few words are very vague as to their meaning - we all have ankles, what is it yours are doing?
Re: Better Things by EAger to Offend	21-Jun-07/4:00 PM
Not bad at all.
Re: Dismissing Contentment by Something_Else	21-Jun-07/3:57 PM
This is one of those writes that makes me sigh - so under-dramatic. Nicely done. Just one thing find another word for intimidates - a variation of it used already in the first stanza, it's too big a word for double use.
Re: In the circle of agonies… by Prince of Void	21-Jun-07/3:54 PM
Get rid of all the punctuation - use the ends of lines as the break points and throw way those capitol letters. Agony is a fairly powerful word, but using it too often in the one write (even though it is about agony) robs it of the impact. This has almost the reclusive feel one who lives in pain constantly.
Re: Contemplation by Something_Else	21-Jun-07/6:40 AM
I get easily distracted and the capitol letters starting each line is distracting. Apart from that an inner dialogue fitting of the mad...maybe?
Re: husk [hai-crete] by lmp	21-Jun-07/6:36 AM
Love it
Re: a comment on F Log-On by Skamper	21-Jun-07/6:31 AM
I'm not F-Logging anything personally - but I know those who do I hate that 'rolled sweated and panted' line...keep trying it all different ways, which is something I rarely do is edit. I agree with the 'fire into the midst' does feel better. thanks all... :)
Re: a comment on F Log-On by Skamper	21-Jun-07/6:29 AM
funny that's the second of my writes to be tagged a rap...I happen to have a rap song I made earlier...will post it if I remember... :)
Re: a comment on F Log-On by Skamper	21-Jun-07/6:27 AM
well - no obviously it's not aimed at anyone who might read it, just them others!
Re: a comment on I Am A Reality by Skamper	21-Jun-07/6:26 AM
I have no idea who Emiliana Torrini is, worth a listen?
Re: a comment on I Am A Reality by Skamper	21-Jun-07/6:25 AM
Bjork makes me gag, best manic song...Everytime by Butterfingers
Re: a comment on The Lover and The Rapist by Skamper	20-Jun-07/3:39 PM
It is a pointless word that didn't come out when I wrote this so I see no need to add it now - Interesting how automatic we are when reading something, finding it doesn't make sense if all the words aren't in the sequence we are used to.
Re: The One I Threw Back by drnick	19-Jun-07/2:30 AM
The dream becoming blurry, works better for me. I've buried myself inside mistakes or Buried myself inside my mistakes..or I'm buried inside my mistakes...not sure on the proper english for this but seems to be too many "ownership" words in this line. What you reckon? I love the torment hindsight can deliver.