You're foreign.

V-=MARY=-V

Comparable in horrifying familiarity to the sensation of being raped by an out-of-control hobo in your own back garden.

The only ironically named beige baby I know is Koko P. Maroon. And he's dead from AIDS.

Lactation is not a form of excretion. You should have written 'secrete' instead. For that, I'm appalled.

Sometimes you produce the most awful bungling bogstanton.

Little Cack Horner
Shat in a corner
Eating his turds and gay

Along came a spastic
Who did something drastic
All over the kitchen buffet

Oh goodness, your swear has sent shivers of naughtiness up and down my spine. Did you know that Hobos have a top speed of four miles per hour?

lol

Once I woke up to find that a thin old man was pressing his sagging buttocks against my face.

"Who are you?!" I muffledly asked, frantically secreting from my Panic-nozzle.

"Parp!" replied the buttocks.

"Here is found a paradox in that during the latter third of the nineteenth century, in a period characterized by the vilification of the tramp, there is a concomitant process occurring that also eulogized them." from "The American Hobo" by Colin Beesley

This is a disastrous attempt at poetry. It is among the worst I have ever read. The subject couldn't be less original, and the way you have written about it is utterly unremarkable. Your work is completely devoid of alliteration, simile, reification or any such literary devices. It is devoid of rhyme, devoid of imagery, and devoid of punctuation. The language used is whoppingly dull, and the overriding impression it gives is one of unbelievable mindlessness. The arbitrary line breaks and use of repetition are the only things that separate this bulgingly stupid dumpling from a blob of prose. Congratulations! -10-

Clumsy in places, but I thought it was interesting and fairly original. I can't think of many people on this site who'd have the vision to include a tiny, stout, scheming man with a pudgy head in their love poemes, let alone the vision to have him feverishly planning out his revenge on paper. Is he a metaphor for the human condition?

Got back from Abu Dhabi last week, just after the start of Ramamamamadan. Luckily I'd spent the week leading up to it ordering individual beers from room service (they wouldn't serve more than one a day) and hiding them about my room. When I drank them all during Ramamamadan, and left the empties sprawled all over the place, the cleaners found them and took away my fruit bowl. I have never felt such shame :(

A profoundly silly piece. I have no doubt you are a giant wally. -10-

Intensely lewd, particularly the bit where you scoff your grandmother's remains.

It's really excellent that you describe the plates as 'hard'. I've often noticed that about plates. Your language captures their essence completely.

To bring fright is bad enough, but to bring BOTH fright AND fearfulness is calamitous indeed!

You cannot write lines like,

She seems to be doing well so far this year,
And her team makes her so happy, that she must shed a tear.

and not be incredibly thick.

This is exactly what every single black person looks like: http://tinyurl.com/4tz3k